


I Won't Let You Fall

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Experienced Barriss, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Inexperienced Ahsoka, Only Happy Endings Need Apply, Palpatine was stopped, Rated M for... sexy thoughts?, The Bombing Never Happened, The Fake Dating AU Nobody Asked For, The fluff is strong with this one, Undercover, b/c gabby doesn't know when to stop, barrissoka, until its not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-01-20 22:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21289499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: A year after Anakin Skywalker ended Palpatine’s reign, Jedi Knights Ahsoka Tano and Barriss Offee are sent on an undercover mission. The Clone War may be over but the aftermath remains. With Ahsoka’s support, Barriss has recovered from her spiral toward darkness. However, Ahsoka’s issues are just surfacing. When Barriss chooses a surprising cover story, things get complicated.This story is a strange combination of deep and ridiculous. Commit your heart to the melodramatic ride.
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 121
Kudos: 144





	1. The Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for... humorous spice use & content that discusses, references, & implies sex? Whatever. I'm terrible at ratings. There's no explicit sex in this one, people. But they sure do think about it alot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is a lie only the beginning of truth? (Does that question even make any sense? No? Well, take it up with Barriss.)

“She’s my girlfriend.” 

The lie hung in the air. It had popped out so naturally, so freely. It wasn’t until a barely audible squeak sounded on her right that Barriss processed the excuse her traitorous heart had supplied. _ WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! _

Cartyre grunted. “Hilarious, Zeta. She merchandise you want to keep an eye on or something?” 

Ahsoka bristled and grabbed her hand. “Maybe you can’t hear, smuggler? I’m her _ girlfriend. _ So, don’t get any ideas. She’s spoken for.”

Barriss tried not to gape at Ahsoka, while her stomach performed a Force-enhanced, spinning flip over at least a battalion of droidekas._ Breathe, Offee, breathe! _

Her friend seemed to be oblivious to the total derangement of Barriss’ innards as she glowered at Cartyre. “I know you hate when I’m possessive, angel. But that mouthbreather was ogling you like a piece of meat.”

Cartyre’s dumbfounded expression vanished as his leathery skin darkened. “I was not!”

Ahsoka sniffed. “Don’t bother. You think people drooling over her is a new thing? I’m not going to spend my morning staking out territory. Get yourself in order now, loverboy.”

“Watch your mouth, little girl,” he snapped. “Nobody tells Cartyre who he can look at.”

Blue fire erupted in her eyes as she pulled Barriss closer. “I do.”

Barriss flushed. Ahsoka seemed to be taking the ruse a bit far. _I'm standing right here, you know._

The man guffawed. “A bit insecure, squirt? Maybe she needs someone who can actually satisfy her.”

Ahsoka went rigid, voice taking on a dangerous edge. “I’m not saying it again. Keep your grubby mitts _off._”

_Alright, that’s it. _“Enough!” Barriss shot a warning glare at Ahsoka, before turning a haughty one on Cartyre. “I’m not here so you two can measure your equipment.”

His posture relaxed into a casual lean. “True enough. Besides, I make it a policy not to embarrass pocket-sized toys of valuable clients.” He tossed a smug look at Ahsoka. “Bad for business.” Returning attention to Barriss, the man motioned toward a nearby cargo bay. “This is my on-site inventory. You can check out what I’ve got on consignment. Then, we can settle terms for items of interest.”

“Let’s get to it, then.” As the man went to retrieve a manifest, Barriss reluctantly removed her hand from Ahsoka’s. “Uh, sorry about springing that on you. I didn’t have time to think through a proper cover.”

The girl was fixed on the floor. She gave a small head shake but didn’t look at her. “My fault. I should have stayed out of sight as planned. I didn't expect him to arrive early.”

It was obvious her friend was upset, and Barriss wasn’t sure what that meant. _Because she doesn’t want to be your fake girlfriend or because she does? Stop it._ There was no time to dwell. They had a mission to perform. And if that meant she got to pretend Ahsoka was hers for a bit… well, that was just a happy coincidence. Yes, totally unrelated.

Cartyre reappeared and waved them over to the cargo bay door.

Barriss coughed. “He’s ready. Are you coming?”

“If you need me,” was the decidedly sullen reply.

_Take control of your own life._ It was the mantra her emotional health specialist made her repeat. Sometimes, it was hard to know what that meant. _Not today._ Nerves settling into confidence, she held out her hand. “Of course, I do.”

Ahsoka’s head lifted and then a familiar cocky grin appeared. She interlocked their fingers. “Let’s see how good a couple we make, hot stuff.”

Warmth spattering her neck, Barriss tightened their hands and headed toward Cartyre. “Hmph. I liked angel better.” And if there was a pleased smile creeping onto her face… well, that was definitely _not_ a happy coincidence.

_______

Ahsoka watched Barriss evaluate the inventory with her usual methodical precision, while trying to figure out her own emotional mess.

This was the first mission since their Padawan years where she and Barriss were once again on equal footing. Except this time, they were both trusted Knights of the Order with no masters looking over their shoulders. They were their own people now. It felt freeing. Yet, strangely unfulfilling. Ahsoka had expected achieving knighthood to feel more… completing.

Further complicating matters, she'd been struggling to behave like one. The feelings she could usually suppress had been raging in barely controlled anarchy since they'd embarked on this mission. Ahsoka wasn’t sure what had prompted her to turn into a walking pile of lovestruck clichés.

Of course, Barriss’ supposedly innocuous cover story certainly hadn’t helped. _Why girlfriend? Not pilot? Business partner? Bodyguard? Assistant? Even slave?_ Ahsoka couldn’t stop herself from reading more into the choice than was probably there. How could she not, though? The woman she tried not to dream about on a regular basis had called Ahsoka her _girlfriend_.

_And, Force, those clothes. How’s a girl, friend or otherwise, supposed to function normally?! _The Council had sent them on a multi-week deployment to stop the trafficking of abandoned Separatist weapons, which had been showing up in the hands of crime syndicates. Barriss’ identity as an elite blackmarket supplier came with certain benefits. Specifically, attire that was nothing short of seizure-inducing. _In a totally I've died and joined the Cosmic Force kinda way._

The deep green hue of her skintight, midriff top reminded Ahsoka of the forest canopy of Kashyyyk and was just as breathtaking. Of course, nothing compared to the plunging neckline clinging to her breasts. A leather holster, complete with nickel-plated blaster, was strapped to a thigh, while matching gauntlets decorated her forearms. Her raven hair was twisted in two thick braids, thin strips of silver weaved through the length of each one. Combined with her already exotic features, the effect could charitably be termed utterly traumatizing.

Barriss leaned over a stack of crates to read a label, and Ahsoka nearly choked. The rycrit hide pants hugged curves she didn’t know existed. Her shirt hem rode higher on silky olive skin, revealing taut muscles. Heat flushed Ahsoka’s body, until noticing she wasn’t the only one admiring the view.

A different kind of heat rose, and Ahsoka stepped between Cartyre and the oblivious Barriss. “See something interesting?”

The man simply angled his eyes over her montrals. “Yep.”

Ahsoka clenched fists and cursed her lack of intimidating height. She'd gotten taller over the last year but not tall enough. _Yet._ “Well, find something new to be interested in.”

Without breaking his lustful gaze, he muttered, “How did you manage to get _that,_ pipsqueak? Is she just into little girls or did you spike her drink?”

“Oh, I’ve got skills you can’t even begin to touch, smuggler.” _Nice one, Tano._

That finally got his attention. “Be careful, runt. You don’t want to make me angry.”

“Don’t hold yourself back on my account," Ahsoka scoffed. "Probably need to let loose, huh? It’s gotta be tough living day after day with your mug. No wonder you went into this line of work. Being an errand boy was the only way to get a woman’s attention. Or, do you just hold their cargo hostage until they’re forced to talk to you?”

Cartyre’s lips curled back, muscles rippling his forearms. “It’s a good thing I don’t put beatdowns on snot-nosed kids. Otherwise, you’d be kissing my fist right now.”

“Funny. I was about to offer to introduce you to the floor. Since it’s the only thing you’d _ ever _ get the chance to kiss.”

There was a loud exhale from behind her. “What’s the problem?”

“Nothing of interest,” Cartyre replied tautly. “Me and your pet were just discussing the importance of respecting your superiors.”

Before Ahsoka could think of an appropriate retort, Barriss interjected, “Well, let’s talk about something more profitable. I don’t see the BX sniper rifles you mentioned.”

The smuggler smirked. “I don’t keep that kinda elite product laying around a cargo bay. You want to inspect those, you’ll need to come back to my ship.”

Barriss gave him an impressed nod. “You’re smarter than you look, Cartyre.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Moving much too close to Barriss, he ran eyes up and down her body. “I promise my goods will more than satisfy you. How about I take you on a private tour of the merch?”

A hand slid into Ahsoka’s with a warning squeeze. _Grr._ Locking her mouth shut required restraint exceeding that of a Jedi Master.

The Mirialan quirked an eyebrow. “Or, we finish up here and then we’ll _all_ head to your ship.”

He grunted. “I don’t get it.” Shaking his head, Cartyre sauntered toward the corner of the bay. “Last load is in suspended storage. I’ll activate the release. Stay put.”

As he left hearing range, Barriss hissed, “Why are you antagonizing him? We need his cooperation!”

Ahsoka stiffened and dropped her hand. “Fine. My mistake. I’ll let him leer at will.”

She groaned. “Ahsoka, I can handle Cartyre. I don’t need you to defend my honor. There’s no call to throw yourself into the jealous girlfriend role.”

The words sliced through her heart. _All pretend, remember? What did you think this was? Stupid, Tano._ “Right.” _Get yourself in order._ But her emotions were threatening to spin out of control. “You know what? I’ll just go back to the ship.”

Barriss froze. “Y-you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, you obviously don’t need me. Have fun with your smuggler.” She made it to the door as tears hit her cheeks.

_______

Barriss stared vacantly at a loading manifest. _She left me. What have you done? Did you think you could turn that stupid cover story into reality? Always playing with fire, Offee._

A hand trailed down the small of her back as a husky voice drawled, “So, what say we get to know each other better?”

Suppressing a flinch, she took a measured step out of his reach. “That is not happening, Cartyre.” Her expression hardened. “You might as well give up the idea right now.”

“That’s what I thought too. _Until,_ you got rid of your girl.” Moving closer, he hooked thumbs in his belt loops. “Yep. I know your kind. All ice on the outside, just waiting for someone to apply some heat. Then, you melt like a spring thaw.” He puckered his lips as a hand beelined for her breast.

She locked the incoming wrist in a vice grip. Twisting her body, Barriss flipped him onto his back to the sound of a satisfying yelp. Driving an elbow into his chest, she spoke with menacing deliberation. “If you _ever_ touch me again, you won’t be around to try your moves on anyone stupid enough to fall for them. Do we understand each other?”

Gasping breaths, he nodded vigorously. “Got it, Zeta. M-my mistake.”

Releasing her hold, she tossed the manifest at his red face. “I’ll give you a bit of time to recover your pride, assuming you have any. Meet me at your landing bay in thirty to verify the rifles.” Not awaiting a response, Barriss strode back to their ship.

_______

Ahsoka threw a wrench into the wall of the engine room. Taking her mind off the problem by fixing something else wasn’t working. Sinking onto the rumbling floor, she pulled knees to her chest.

Her feelings for Barriss were becoming unmanageable. They were easier to hide at a distance but no less potent. And she had no idea what to do about it. _You have to figure out how to handle this. You’re a Jedi. And her friend. Even if it wasn’t impossible, she doesn’t think about you that way._

She had always admired Barriss, ever since they’d faced death together in that Geonosian tank. However, it wasn't until last year that admiration had turned into something much deeper. And that something wasn’t going away.

Barriss had tearfully confessed her spiral toward darkness on a very long night celebrating the end of the war. The first time she’d seen her friend drunk, actually. In that moment, Ahsoka realized she would literally do anything to make her happy.

Trying to convince the woman that getting help didn’t make her weak or less of a Jedi had been a difficult task. Ahsoka had finally succeeded, though. Padmé had helped her confidentially arrange professional services in the outside world for her friend. They knew better than to involve anyone inside the Order. Jedi were expected to meditate their problems away. _ So naive. _

The Council hadn’t been prepared for a war and its consequences. They were stuck in the past, in tradition, in a bubble of ignorance. _ Arrogance. _ There was no comprehension or thought to the effect fighting a war might have on still maturing Padawans or even more experienced Masters. _ Pong Krell, anyone? _

Ahsoka shivered at what might have been, if her master hadn’t discovered Palpatine’s identity and stopped him. Yet, it was like the war never happened. There were cleanup missions and lip service to the lives lost, but nothing had fundamentally changed. The Council went about its business as usual. They hadn’t assessed their actions or identified the weaknesses Palpatine had exploited. No one bothered to figure out how a Sith Lord had managed to achieve the highest position in the Republic, manipulate a war, control the Jedi, and nearly wipe them all out. Their explanation seemed to consist of, ‘well, that’s the Sith for you’.

Everyone was expected to carry on as if their whole lives hadn’t been irrevocably altered. _Well, we can’t._

After a year of painstaking recovery, Barriss was the woman Ahsoka remembered once more. There were occasional moments of insecurity, flashbacks, and anger. Still, she was Barriss Offee again. But Ahsoka Tano had never been the same.

Her war had ended, and another began. Since that tear-filled night, her every thought had revolved around Barriss. Supporting her, being there, bringing any light she could to the darkness. She became Ahsoka’s new purpose.

Now, Barriss didn’t need her anymore. She could stand on her own. And Ahsoka felt… lost.

_______

Barriss tread the worn corridors of their YV-freighter, nerves fraying. _ Where is she? _ Her search picked up speed. _ She wouldn't actually leave me, right? _

Two months ago, she would have scoffed at such a ridiculous thought. But lately her friend was increasingly withdrawn, pensive, even sulky. The erratic moodiness had created a tiny crack in Barriss’ confidence. Still, her determination remained unbroken. Ahsoka was the brightest light in her life, her cornerstone of happiness, and someone Barriss had no intention of losing. _ I need her. _

She heard a bang from the engine room and the nausea receded. _ Ok. Take control of your own life. Things don’t happen to you. You make them happen. Fix this. _ Barriss collected herself and strode through the door. The churning in her stomach returned full force. “What’s wrong?”

Ahsoka jumped up from her dejected position on the floor. “Oh, um, you’re back. How did it go?”

“What’s wrong?” she repeated.

“Just some trouble with the motivator on this cleaning droid.” Retrieving a wrench from the floor several feet away, she began tinkering with the droid in question.

Crossing the room, Barriss snatched the tool from her hands. “Ahsoka. You ran off. Now, you're avoiding my question. Please, tell me what’s going on.”

Her eyes darted up. Then, she winced. “I shouldn’t have left like that. Guess I overdid the role or something.” Ahsoka tucked hands behind her elbows. “Not as if I have experience on how a romantic partner should behave.”

Fiddling with the wrench, she prodded, “Are you sure there isn’t more to it?”

Her left cheek twitched. “Like what?”

They both stared at each other for a few moments and then looked in opposite directions.

Throat thickening, Barriss let the truth fall from her lips. “I need you to tell me we’re ok.”

Ahsoka’s breath hitched. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve messed up somehow, because you’re—that stupid cover story obviously made you uncomfortable.” Her voice began tipping over the edge, gaining speed and pitch, but she couldn’t seem to stop. “And I got annoyed about you trying to take care of me. I don’t know why. I usually want you to—then, you left me. You never leave me. What did—Lately, I feel like you're—I’m losing—”

“Oh no.” Ahsoka grabbed her up in a hug. “You’re upset. I’ve made you upset.” Her arms tightened. “My stupid fault. Please, don’t be upset.”

Barriss pressed herself into Ahsoka and hoped the woman wouldn’t notice the tears leaking onto her shoulder. She should have known better.

“Ssh, it’s ok.” A hand stroked her hair. “I’m not going anywhere. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m so sorry.”

“Then, why did you leave me?” she mumbled.

There was silence for several seconds. “I just needed to think about some stuff, and you seemed to have the situation under control. I didn’t mean for it to come off the way it did.”

“What stuff? If it’s not something I’m doing, what is it? Don’t tell me nothing. You haven’t been yourself since… well, the celebration after your knighting ceremony at least. What’s going on?”

Ahsoka sighed. “I don’t know. I mean I kinda know, but it’s confusing. Can you give me time to sort it out in my head?”

Barriss grimaced and accepted defeat. _For now._ “Alright.”

There was a relieved exhale. “Thanks. And we’ll always be ok. I’m here for you no matter what. What's my promise?”

“You won’t let me fall,” she responded softly.

Lips brushed her temple. “Ever.”

Melting into Ahsoka’s arms, Barriss smiled. _Maybe I can make this a reality after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. Let me share something, dear reader. This story started as an undercover/fake relationship AU one-shot that was meant to be irreverent fun. I was trying to finish up my serious _[insert Mace Windu face here]_ canon fic for the 'Clouded Light' series. This was supposed to be a light break, where I toyed with a new dynamic for my favorite couple (read: my obsession, who I've written so many words about it's become embarrassing). Note I said it _started_ that way. I've now drafted five chapters of this wonderful mess with a bit left to go. To make matters worse, I've somehow managed to accidentally on purpose (?) weave a bona fide deeper theme into it. It's apparently impossible for me to write things where characters don't have existential crises. 
> 
> So, I present to you a fluffy, angsty, style-confused fic--chock full of gratuitous amounts of self-indulgence, occasional OOC behavior, spottily tied theming, questionable verisimilitude, an appalling lack of tragedy, and solid gold melodrama. And I am so leaving it that way. Pure unadulterated Gabby is what you're getting people. You're welcome.
> 
> Side note to the end note: If through some strange twist of AO3 fate this becomes my most popular story, I might need to reexamine my entire writing philosophy. (And then be thrilled, because anyone liking anything I write makes me happier than Ahsoka on spice.)
> 
> _I am Gabby's inner drama queen and I approve this fic._


	2. Dancing on a Razor's Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, your dreams have come true! Yay, happiness! Of course, you now have to worry about messing it all up. (Well, Ahsoka certainly should anyway.)

Ahsoka leaned against the wall of his ship’s hold and tapped fingers against her thighs. Cartyre looked distinctly nervous around Barriss now. The swagger and leers from earlier were nonexistent. Something had happened after she left. Something Barriss hadn’t mentioned. _What do you expect? You stormed off like a petulant child._

Still, it raised her confidence level. That meant Barriss was uninterested in his overtures. _Guess I really am the jealous girlfriend. How can I not be, though? _Despite her earlier bravado, Cartyre’s appearance would probably qualify as attractive. _In a scruffy kinda way. _And she knew Barriss was… experienced.

During her emotional spiral, the woman had dabbled in leisure activities that were—as Barriss termed it—not Jedi approved. While specifics hadn’t been provided, Ahsoka had eventually connected the dots.

Her first inkling came when overhearing two clones discussing how to fit in a ‘quickie’ amid their other duties. Ahsoka had brightly offered a helping hand, so they could finish faster. Awkward fumbling had ensued before both of them fled the room. She’d mentioned the inexplicable incident to Barriss, who had promptly spit her juice all over Ahsoka. After her friend explained what the term meant, she’d been mortified. And then irrationally annoyed that they had so clearly not wanted her participation. _Am I that unattractive?_

Of course, that was only one of many incidents suggesting Barriss had more than passing knowledge in that area. A few months ago, her friend had waxed philosophical on how the Order didn’t seem to grasp the difference between sex and love. In her view, only one led to attachment. The woman joked the reason Jedi went bad was because they were all sexually repressed. When one of them let loose, there was no stopping them. Ahsoka had just laughed along without really understanding.

Jedi education didn't exactly include physical intimacy as a topic, other than a general admonition against falling prey to one's darker impulses and a crash course in reproductive processes. Ahsoka wasn’t entirely clear on what sex involved in practical terms.

_I want to understand. Maybe I could ask her to teach me? Yeah. Phrase it like a learning opportunity. She did say sex wasn’t attachment and all. Well, for her. _Ahsoka knew she was totally, hopelessly, and irrevocably attached already. _Hmm, wonder if that really would work? I mean Barriss loves teaching… ok, Jedi skills to younglings. Still, same principle, right? Yeah, it's so not. You've officially tumbled into a pit of crazy, Tano. Focus._

Forcing an end to her mental gymnastics, she tuned back into the ongoing conversation.

“I’m not questioning the quality, just the quantity,” Barriss stated flatly.

Cartyre fidgeted. “Well, two cases is all I’ve got.”

Barriss raised eyebrows. “And…?”

He grimaced. “I can’t get more. The source is careful and will only handle small shipments. He spreads it around. I’m not even a legit dealer. It’s only because I’ve worked with him in the past that he cut me in at all.”

“What will it take for him to cut me in?”

His shoulders lifted in a half-shrug. “More than you probably want to pay.”

Crossing her arms, Barriss regarded him from hooded eyelids.

Cartyre scraped a hand over his shaved head and then jerked it back down, as if he’d forgotten there was no hair to run his fingers through. “Listen, Zeta. He’s not a guy who’s gonna just let you in on the action without a damn good sweetener.”

Not liking the sound of that, Ahsoka popped off the wall. “What kind of _sweetener_?”

He smirked. “It ain’t credits.”

Instinctively grabbing Barriss’ hand, she snapped, “Well, he’ll have to find another way to sweeten himself.”

The man stared and then began chortling. “Oh, kid. One track mind.” Barely restraining his mirth, he tossed a grudging nod at Barriss. “I have to admit I’m beginning to see the appeal of this one for you. Such dogged devotion.”

Ahsoka shot a weak glare back, while wanting to crawl out of sight. _Of course, you jumped to that conclusion. Could you be any more obvious, Tano?_

Unexpectedly, Barriss responded with a throaty chuckle. Lifting Ahsoka’s hand, she rubbed tender lips across the knuckles. “You have no idea, Cartyre.”

Body freezing in place, Ahsoka’s mouth became a literal cotton ball. Which was fortuitous as it prevented anything humiliating coming out of it. _Like a squeal._

Barriss smiled at her. “Isn’t that right, angel?”

Ahsoka returned an expression somewhere between terror and intoxication. The woman’s electric blue eyes held hers for a moment, glittering in a way that made Ahsoka shiver.

Shifting attention back to the smuggler, Barriss continued, “I assume you mean he’ll expect open-ended favors, valuable intel, rare commodities, or slaves before even discussing a business relationship. If those are not provided, the results will be unfortunate.”

“You got it about right. Though, he hates dealing with slavers. So, don’t offer him that or you won’t be around for your girl to moon over.”

Ahsoka tried to pretend her skin wasn’t flushing tangerine.

“Let’s say I want to try my luck,” Barriss replied wryly. “What’s your slice going to cost me?”

He rocked on his heels and glanced between them with a sly grin. “Hmm, dunno. I’m risking my rep here. I might need some satisfaction first.”

Her nostrils flared. “I don’t perform for lusty smugglers, Cartyre.”

“Nah, you got it all wrong.” The man jabbed a finger at Ahsoka. “Babyface has been getting on my last nerve. I wanna see her sweat. And if that last reaction was any indication, she might pass out right here.” He snorted. “Where did you find her? I might need me one of these.”

_Huh? _Ahsoka looked at Barriss. “What’s he mean?”

The woman hesitated and then arched an eyebrow. “Would you like to kiss me, angel?”

Lights flashed in technicolor hues. “Oh.” The cargo hold began spinning. _Alert, alert, Commander Tano. Incoming._ “I-I erghm...hrm…”

Cartyre slapped his knee. “Yes, this is delicious! I thought you had skills that would blow me away, half-pint?”

Barriss leaned close and idly caressed a lek. She whispered at a level her montrals barely picked up. “Is it ok if I kiss you? Make it over the top.”

_There’s a top to go over?_ Now, there were bright spots everywhere. “Er, mmmkay.” _Eloquent._ Then, the world stopped moving. Soft lips were on hers, gentle, caressing, perfect. So perfect.

Until, they vanished. Ahsoka chased after them but only captured empty space. Voices pierced the air rushing through her montrals. She couldn’t process the words. Where was she again? What had just happened? Her mind gradually worked its way back to reality. Glancing around, she saw Cartyre guffawing with so much gusto he was bracing himself against a wall. Meanwhile, Barriss was studiously examining her fingernails. Ahsoka mumbled thickly, “Uh, right. What were we talking about?”

The man whistled. “Unbelievable.”

Still a bit woozy from the Force masquerading itself as a kiss, Ahsoka desperately searched for anything to keep this ruse going. She fell back on a pout. “Can we ditch the smuggler and get on with more, um, enjoyable activities?”

Barriss blinked and then a downright saucy grin flashed. Ahsoka had never seen such an expression on the Mirialan’s face. Her pulse kicked into a reality-bending overdrive as if it was a podracer about to steal the lead.

Putting arms around Ahsoka’s neck, Barriss side-eyed Cartyre. “Stipulate terms or we’re out of here. I’ve got other things that need tending.”

“Yeah, yeah. You pay me the premium finder’s fee plus fifteen percent, I’ll set up the contact.”

She planted a quick kiss on Ahsoka's nose. “Five percent.”

He growled. “Twelve.”

Barriss leaned in, hovering two inches from Ahsoka’s mouth. “Let’s go find us another audience, angel.”

The dizziness was increasing exponentially. “Right. That sounds, um…” She shook her lekku as cobwebs gathered in her brain. “... what—wait nice. Yeah, nice.”

The man threw hands in the air. “Ugh, fine. I don’t need to clean shortstack off my floor. Ten it is. Just don’t demand a refund if he tries to kill you.”

Barriss smirked and flitted lips across hers. “Deal.” What happened next Ahsoka couldn’t say. She remembered only howling laughter, and Barriss half-dragging her from the ship.

_______

Blinking back tears, Barriss hugged her pillow and started the thought process all over again.

She had changed since that beautiful lie had escaped her lips this morning. Simply saying the words, pretending, Ahsoka’s jealous behavior… that kiss. It had freed something inside of her heart. And it couldn’t be put back. Barriss didn’t want to put it back. _I want to tell her how important she is to me. That I would give up anything to make her happy._

Over the last year, Ahsoka’s support had stabilized her life and driven the darkness away. There had been a side effect, though. Her acceptance of a feeling long denied. Many times, she’d come close to confessing it. But they were Jedi. It wasn’t a matter of merely dallying with romance. Even trying would alter their entire lives, perhaps irrevocably. Then again, if they were already attached, did adding a physical component effectively change anything?

_It’s so different than with anyone else._ Near the end of the war, the misery and loneliness had become unbearable. She often left her sleepless bed and lost herself in the Coruscant nightlife. That was when she met Letta, who had taken Barriss under her wing and shown her how the rest of the world lived. It had been eye-opening in more ways than one.

There’d certainly been no shortage of people interested in fleeting physical relationships. It was how Barriss discovered her preference for female partners. Once that realization came, her long standing and deep attachment to Ahsoka took on a new meaning.

Still, no matter how far she had gone to dull the pain, her attempts were merely a distraction for the night. It meant nothing. Ahsoka meant _everything._

Barriss often thought she saw a longing that mirrored her own in the expressive blue eyes. Over the last several weeks, though, doubt had crept into that assessment. Ahsoka’s reticence to share, her periods of moody withdrawal, and occasional contradictory reactions had dampened the certainty. _If she doesn’t trust me with her problems, how could she love me?_

Then, today happened. The woman’s response to their supposedly false romantic interactions had been intense. Surely, she couldn’t be faking at that level. Could she?

At the same time, Ahsoka was hurting. Barriss could see it, hear it, even feel it. Confessing her very un-Jedi feelings might add to the turmoil. There was no way to know.

_You still have to try, Offee. Whether she feels the same way or not. Even if she does but wants to follow the code. No more debating the pros and cons. It’s your life. Time to find out what it can be._

_______

“We’ve finally managed to arrange a meeting with the heretofore elusive supplier. It’s unclear whether this is the direct source of the weapons flow or merely an intermediary.”

Windu nodded approval to Barriss. “It’s a start. If he isn’t the source, he can lead us to the source.”

“Careful, you must be,” Yoda hummed. “Dangerous, this supplier is.”

Ahsoka held back an eye roll. _Tell us something we don’t know._

“Indeed,” Barriss agreed. “Cartyre made that quite clear. We’ll take all precautions. And Knight Tano will accompany me at the meeting for additional support.”

The masters glanced at each other. Obi-Wan scrunched his forehead. “What is your cover? Zeta is known to work alone.”

Ahsoka couldn’t help a smirk. “I’m her girlfriend.” She wasn’t sure why she got such satisfaction from announcing that to the Council. Maybe it was simply the uncustomary blink of surprise on their overly serious faces.

“Yes,” Barriss added casually, “due to an… incident with Cartyre, he is now under the impression we are romantically involved. We thought it best to continue the ruse in case he has informed his supplier.”

Ahsoka had to admire the way her friend danced around the truth without actually lying. Why she was doing so was another question. Perhaps, she didn’t want the Council’s judgement on her choice of cover. _Then again, we did kiss yesterday. Kinda. Well, we did. But, not really. Sorta. Gah!_

Windu scowled. “What kind of incident?”

“He tried to force a romantic interaction,” Ahsoka spat with a little too much vehemence. It wasn’t exactly where the cover originated. However, she couldn’t let the event pass without expressing her displeasure. This wasn’t some minor gang they had been sent to take down. The Council should never have insisted Barriss perform the undercover portion of the operation alone.

Her friend shot a curious look in her direction, before quickly saying, “It's hardly worth discussing, a minor infraction. I dealt with it. However, it seemed best to appear unavailable.”

Luminara fixed on Barriss. “And you were unharmed in the incident?”

Ahsoka saw the momentary flush that would be indiscernible over holo as Barriss answered, “Yes, Master. It really was of little importance.”

The woman relaxed back into her seat. “I am glad.”

Windu waved a hand. “Very well. It appears you are making progress. Keep us informed of any further developments.”

Barriss made a respectful bow and cut the line.

Ahsoka scowled. “Fountains of wisdom as usual.”

The other woman pursed her lips. “What is it?”

“What’s what?”

Barriss laid a hand on her arm. “You’re upset. With the Council? Or something else?”

Ahsoka gazed at the slender fingers touching her skin. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe I can help you figure it out?”

She looked up. Her mouth thickened at the concerned face hovering far too close. Ahsoka stepped back. “I’ll think about it.”

Her shoulders hunched. “Right. Sure you will.”

The dejection pierced her heart, but she didn’t know how to fix it. _I don’t know what to say._

Barriss asked quietly, “Do you trust me?”

Ahsoka’s mouth went slack. “Of course! You know I do.”

“Do I?” she murmured.

Her chest tightened, breaths revving up a notch. “Oh, Barriss, no. Please, believe me. I do trust you. You’re—” Stopping her babbling mouth from revealing everything, she changed tacks. “What makes you think I don’t?”

“You,” she answered with a sad smile. “I’ve shared my confusing thoughts, worst experiences, hopes and fears, all of it. But you don’t tell me anything.”

“That’s not true! I tell you lots of stuff.” _I think?_

“Oh, please,” Barriss huffed. “You won’t even say what you want to eat. When we were on Malastare last week, you acted like Faruglas was fine. Did you think I wouldn’t remember you hate Ithorian food?”

“Come on! That doesn't count. I didn’t care that much, and you love Ithorian. Why does it matter?” _Besides, I would eat Geonosian if it meant making you happy._

The woman blew out a terse exhale. “Ahsoka, I told you my mind had slipped so far into darkness I was contemplating terrible actions. You can’t tell me what you want for dinner. And you don’t see why it matters?” Her tone edged into desperation. “I want to be there for you too. You won’t let me.”

“I don’t…” She trailed off in sudden realization. _It’s true. _Actually, Ahsoka couldn’t remember the last time she’d shared with anybody. Not Anakin, Padmé, Plo, no one. _Great. Another issue you don’t understand._ “Ok, maybe you’re right. It’s not you, though. Talking about what I’m feeling is not something I’m good at, I suppose.”

Taking a few steps forward, Barriss splayed fingers across her cheek. “Can we try?”

Saliva choked her throat. Ahsoka crammed words into her mouth. “Erghm, t-try… what?”

“To get better at you telling me things. It doesn’t have to be everything at once. A little at a time?”

_Not if you plan to set my skin on fire while we do. I’ll never get a sentence out._ She had no hope of denying the request in this condition. “Er, yeah. S-sure.”

Barriss brightened. “Thanks. I promise it’ll be alright. I wasn’t good at it either, until… you.” She began stroking Ahsoka’s cheek. “I want to take care of you for a change. Will you let me try that too?”

Her heart latched onto the idea desperately. _Yes. Please, take care of me. Make me let you. Please._

She edged so close breath spiked with heat and ginger seared Ahsoka’s lekku. “Is that a yes?”

“If that’s w-what you, uh, want.”

“I do,” she whispered.

Her gaze fixated on the lips she now knew were amazingly soft. They drifted toward hers little by little, until Ahsoka could almost taste them. _Stop, stop, stop. Can’t handle. Run away._ Stumbling backwards, she pretended to have a coughing fit. “Ack. Got something stuck in my throat.”

Barriss blinked, hand still floating in the empty air Ahsoka had unceremoniously vacated. Then, it dropped, and her olive complexion darkened a shade. “Right. I’m glad that’s settled. We should probably plan a strategy for our meeting tomorrow, huh? Want to do it over dinner? I’ll heat up the leftovers from last night.”

Digging fingers into her thighs, she pasted what was certainly an unconvincing grin onto her heat-swamped face. “Yep. Sounds good.”

Her friend returned a strained smile and then swiftly left, presumably to take care of dinner.

She slumped against the holocomm table. _What are you doing?!_ Unless Ahsoka was terribly misreading everything, what she had thought impossible might be possible. _I mean wasn’t that basically an offer and a real almost kiss? I think it was?_

Whether Barriss felt the exact same way or wanted to break every rule they’d been raised to believe in was another question. _What if she doesn’t? Or, is that your excuse? Yesterday you were trying to think of ways to make this happen. Now, your dream could become a reality and you freak out?_

The truth was Ahsoka Tano apparently had a chance to get what she never thought to actually have. And, for some inexplicable reason, that terrified her.

_______

Barriss fidgeted with her itchy gauntlets. The accessories were freshly laced with a solution that interfered with electronic devices. And they were driving her insane. Last night, she’d been ready to throw all caution to the wind and confess her feelings. Now, she couldn’t master armbands. _Your finest hour, Offee._

After an awkward dinner yesterday evening, things had smoothed back into a familiar rhythm. Today, their interactions felt easy and comfortable, as if nothing had happened. _Is that good or bad? Should you risk trying again? Maybe a different approach? Ugh. Stop this pointless analysis. Follow your instincts and see what happens. _Forcing her muscles into submission, Barriss ventured, “So… what are you going to wear to the meeting?”

Sealing a miniature explosive inside her removable blaster grip, Ahsoka examined the result. “Um, the usual?”

“Absolutely not. You’re Zeta’s girl. That requires a certain level of panache.”

Ahsoka spun the blaster in her hand as a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Panache, huh?”

“Exactly. A poncho and those boots might pass the inspection of a two-bit smuggler, angel. But no way am I being introduced to a deadly, high-rolling, crime boss without dazzle on my arm. I have a rep to uphold.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with my boots?! I fought a war in these things! And don’t think I missed the fact that you have totally co-opted my pet name.”

Pretending not to hear the last part, she sniffed. “That’s my point. Those boots look like they've been through a war. They're also…” Barriss wrinkled her nose. “... not sexy.”

Ahsoka stared. “Did the word sexy just come out of your mouth?”

Grabbing her hand, she pulled the girl toward the door. “Come on, _angel._ Let’s go shopping. We’ll make you the eye-candy I deserve.”

There was a slow blink and then Ahsoka snorted. “Pretty sure I had a dream like this once. It ended when Master Yoda appeared out of heavenly clouds in a blaze of light and beat me senseless with his cane.”

Barriss laughed and waggled her eyebrows. “I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing. Noted.”

What looked like confusion passed through Ahsoka’s face but quickly cleared. Interlocking their fingers, she grinned. “Let’s go, hot stuff, before I wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's your favorite part/scene/line in this chapter? Just curious. It's helpful to know what works other than inside my own head. Assuming you have one. If you hate every last word, I guess my dreams didn't come true today. *cue Ahsoka pout*
> 
> TOO THRILLED UPDATE: If you want to see Ahsoka's dream encounter with Yoda, see [Golddude22's take](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376111). There's a link at the end of this work, as well. I have to say, it is SPECTACULAR.


	3. Fake It Till You Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this good life advice? Yes. It absolutely is. Mostly.

_Come on! _Resisting the urge to pester Ahsoka about her dilatory pace yet again, Barriss started gathering up the sizeable number of rejected outfits scattered around the changing room. The next one was her personal favorite and awaiting the result was requiring more patience than Jedi trials. She halted her efforts at a loud thump from behind the privacy screen. “Everything alright?”

There was a muttered curse and then a bright, “Yep, no problem. Just, um, a minor disagreement with these boots.”

“Do you need help?”

“Nope, all good!”

Barriss sighed. Placing the collected clothing on the conveyor for return, she resumed her standby position and jittered a foot against the carpeted floor.

A sheepish voice floated from behind the opaque screen. “I don’t know about this one, Barriss.”

“Will you just get out here and let me see?”

Her friend groaned and slinked into view.

_Holy Force._ Barriss’ fluttering heart shot into full palpitations.

Ahsoka shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again. “Um, well?”

She licked her lips and uttered a throaty, “Perfect.”

The Togruta coughed and became suddenly interested in her black leather pants leg. “Really?”

“So really,” she breathed.

Ahsoka swept a hand over her shiny thigh multiple times. “Mmmkay.” Smoothing the sleek leather tucked into a matching, above-the-knee boot, she mumbled, “This looks like something Ventress would wear.”

_Ok, it kinda does._ Barriss didn’t even want to consider the implications_._ Besides, there was only space for one thing in her mind at this moment. Her gaze caressed a teal velour sleeve that spilled off the woman's bare shoulder and ran down to her palm. Moving closer, she feathered fingers along the entire length. “No, it looks like something my girl would wear.”

Head jerking up, she blurted, “Yours?”

“Mhmm. Zeta’s. Mine. All the same.” Circling around, she feasted on everything, greedy eyes lingering on the toned back muscles showcased by a diamond-shaped cutout. Facing front, Barriss adjusted the draped collar across Ahsoka’s clavicle to better accentuate her graceful neck and shoulder line. “Actually, the most accurate descriptor would be… ravishing.”

Ahsoka swallowed several times, left cheek twitching. Then, there was an awkward chuckle. “Well, just don’t take any holos. That’s all I need. The Council’s already convinced I’m a mess of a Jedi.”

The statement resonated as more than an off-hand joke. _Keep it casual._ Stretching the triangular sleeve end across the back of Ahsoka’s right hand, she slid the tiny fabric loop over her forefinger. “This hooks here.” Doing the same to the left, she prompted, “Why would they think that?”

She shrugged. “The same reason they don’t trust Anakin, I suppose. We do things our way and don’t hang on their every word.”

Shifting attention to the various fashion accessories they’d selected, Barriss responded, “You believe they don’t trust you?”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I don’t know. I guess I shouldn’t have said that. It does feel like it sometimes, though.”

Picking up a delicate gold chain, she dipped the girl’s head slightly to attach it to her montrals. “In what way?”

“Lots of ways. I mean…” She hesitated and then words started flooding out, “Anakin stopped Palpatine! Shouldn’t that be worth something? I swear it made things worse. We succeeded at pretty much every impossible task they asked us to do during the war, even when we disagreed with it! Then, suddenly none of that mattered. This past year as his Padawan was ridiculous. They assigned us pointless missions. We’d survey some inconsequential sector for weeks, play escort to random politicians, do Temple research, even ferry cargo!”

She made a sound of sympathy and finished adjusting the length of the chain, hoping her friend would continue on her own.

Ahsoka curled fingers over her thumbs. “It’s as if the war ended, and the Council decided Anakin needed to be reeled in. It made him… different. He got moody, snapping at stupid things. Sometimes, he’d be distant and distracted. There were days when I could hardly get him to smile,” she ended softly.

Barriss frowned. An unhappy master would take a toll. Especially for Ahsoka, whose compassionate and supportive nature would absorb it. _She never mentioned any of this. Too wrapped up in your own issues to notice hers._

Beginning to tremble, Ahsoka kneaded her own chest. “This is the first mission I’ve had in months that could actually make a difference. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if they assigned it to me in hopes you’d rub off. Show me how a real Jedi is supposed to behave or something.”

She snorted. “If that's true, it was a terrible miscalculation on their part.”

There was a small grin, but it soon morphed into a scowl. “I think the Council only promoted me because they decided Anakin was a bad influence and wanted to salvage what they could. Making me a knight doesn’t change anything, though. My master taught me to think for myself, be creative, do what needs to be done to accomplish the mission. They were fine with that while it helped them. Now, they expect me to become a mindless drone?”

Barriss hummed agreement and crouched to check the bronzed, diamond-shaped clasps running up the side of each boot. The bitterness laced through her tone was far too familiar. _You let her take care of you, while her own life fell apart. That changes now. Time to give back what was given to you._

Ahsoka’s muscles flinched and tightened. “We just fought a war orchestrated by evil incarnate and they haven’t changed a bit! You’d think they’d have learned _something_ from the experience. No, they kept going as if nothing happened. Well, things happened. Lots of things. How are we supposed to carry on when it all meant noth—” She broke off and took a deep breath. “Sorry. You don’t want to listen to me rant. Got a little overexcited.”

Standing back up, she shook her head. “I do want to hear it.”

Her friend stared for a long moment, before whispering, “I don’t think I can be what they want me to be, Barriss. Not anymore.”

“You don’t need to be.” She mulled over how to communicate her own experience. “That will only make you miserable. It’s the lesson you've helped me learn. I had to take control of my own life. Figuring out who Barriss Offee is and being alright with that person is still a process. But I’m finally ok for maybe the first time. If the Council doesn’t like whoever you choose to be, it’s on them. They make their own choices, just as we make ours.”

Her face fluctuated. “What if they, or even I, decide I’m not Jedi material?”

“Then, it does. Ahsoka Tano is not just an amazing Jedi. She’s an amazing person—full stop. Who she is isn’t defined by others.” Barriss wrapped the girl in a loose hug. “You can accomplish anything you want in life. Whether that means being a Jedi or something else, you’ll conquer it. Either way, you won’t be alone. I’m not going anywhere.”

She relaxed her head onto Barriss’ shoulder with a stuttering breath. “You are so… wonderful.”

“Only when I have you,” she murmured.

Ahsoka slowly pulled away and gazed at her. The expressive blue softened to a glossy hue. “Do you want us to be—” Her eyes abruptly spiked with panic and careened around the room. “Uh, don’t we need to pay for this stuff?”

Her mind vacillated on whether to continue the thread, but her heart didn’t allow opposition. “Ahsoka, I meant it. I’ll always be here in any way you need. Should we discuss… what you might want that to look like?”

She froze and then a high-pitched laugh burst into the charged air. “Maybe later, huh? I’m trying to get in undercover mode. All this deep talk is throwing me off.” Ahsoka practically ran to the mirror and tugged at a sleeve. “So, you think I’m worthy of Zeta, then?”

Barriss crushed fingernails into her palms. _Stop pushing, Offee. Just because you’re ready to flout Jedi restrictions and upend both of your lives doesn't mean she is. She may never be._ Managing a half grin, she commented, “Oh, you’re definitely Zeta material.”

Ahsoka fixed on the plush beige carpet beneath her feet. “Thanks.”

Ignoring the throb building in her temples, she moved to the door. “Guess we’re all set. Grab your other clothes, while I settle up our purchases. You’ll be dazzling our enigmatic supplier by dinnertime.”

“Maybe I’ll dazzle more than just him,” a low voice replied.

Jolting to a halt, Barriss twisted her head back. _Is she…? _“Erm, right.”

Ahsoka stuck out her bottom lip and sauntered toward the privacy screen. “I hope you’re going to be a more convincing girlfriend once we get there, hot stuff.” Then, she vanished from sight.

Barriss gaped after her. _Dammit, Tano, are you trying to drive me over the edge?!_ She stalked from the room, growling a string of expletives that should never be repeated.

_______

Ahsoka’s lips parted. Her skin beaded with sweat. Regulated breaths were getting harder to manage. A tingling ache was swelling from the exact spot on her own body that the hypnotic image portrayed. _Is it even physically possible for a Twi’lek and a Togruta to get into that position? And how did she fit her lek in there? Why am I still looking at this stuff? _

After a brief initial meeting yesterday, their target had invited them to his personal compound to explore a potential business relationship. For evaluation and, if required, discreet disposal Barriss had surmised. That meant multiple days of Ahsoka playing the devoted companion to a shady mistress of the underworld, while also gathering intel. Her inner turmoil had heightened to new levels of insanity as a result. The part of her that wanted Barriss desperately writhed at the possibilities. Yet, there was still an inexplicable fear of exploring them. _Tano, you are all kinds of crazy._

They’d refined Ahsoka’s role to an innocent yet eager new acquisition by the mysterious Zeta. That way any fumbling could be put down to inexperience. _No pretending needed there._ Barriss had pointedly added their limited physicality could be chalked up to a practice she called grooming.

Having no idea what the term meant led Ahsoka to her present situation. The investigation had only created more curiosity and a determination to enhance her fuzzy understanding of various sexual acts. Just in case the information became… necessary.

Now, what was supposed to be a ten-minute project had turned into two hours. Ahsoka marveled at what eighteen years of life hadn’t taught her about the myriad of ways beings had found to pleasure themselves.

She’d never dared delve this deeply into the topic before. It was something a Jedi shouldn’t think about, much less actively research. Even when Ahsoka did have the urge to do so, she reminded herself that terminal usage wasn’t private at the Temple or aboard military craft. A fellow Padawan had learned this lesson painfully well, when he was publicly censured for watching several hours of what the Council deemed ‘dangerously wanton holorecordings’. Being on a commandeered smuggler’s freighter provided a rare opportunity. And—as she had argued to herself—it would be a shame to waste it.

Before last year, Ahsoka wasn’t entirely sure she’d realized the physical reactions her body occasionally had were sexual in nature. Perhaps, because those feelings weren’t associated with a specific person. A war didn’t leave much time for contemplating that kind of thing, anyway. Until, Barriss steamrolled over her heart and made it near impossible to think about anything else.

Also, some part of her had been worried opening that door would be a point of no return. Once she did, it would be impossible to close or control. _I was right. _The mystery box she knew theoretically existed, but had never risked unlocking, was now spilling its secrets. And Ahsoka Tano wanted to experience all of them.

Eyes still transfixed on the two women displayed before her, Ahsoka’s fingers floated down to her burning lower regions. Tentatively rubbing the spot from the image through her pants, she gasped and jerked her hand away. _Almighty Force._ Ahsoka squeezed her thighs together, wondering if she could contort herself to match the Togruta’s alluring pose. Merely for research purposes, of course.

“Hey.” Barriss popped a head in the doorway of her quarters. “What are you doing? It’s time—” Whatever expression was plastered on Ahsoka’s face must have been a cause for concern, because she stepped into the room. “Are you alright?”

Frantically powering off her pad and leaping up, she rambled, “Absolutely, sure, super great. I had—doing some research on the—the criminal underworld and lost track of time.” A stilted laugh burst out. “Silly, huh? Er, so yeah, just need to finish throwing my stuff in a bag.”

The woman stared for a few moments but, by some miracle of the Force, decided to let the patently unconvincing explanation pass. “Ok then. Did you pack the emergency kit?”

Ahsoka cringed. “Um, sorry. I really did get distracted.”

Barriss sighed. “I’ll handle it. Get yourself ready. We need to leave in ten minutes.”

She bobbed an agitated head. “Yeppers. Be there in a jiffy.”

Arching impish eyebrows, Barriss replied, “You better, angel. Zeta doesn’t appreciate delays to her business.”

Ahsoka pulled off a mostly light, “Got it, hot stuff.”

Barriss grinned and vanished out the door.

Stifling a curse, Ahsoka raced around the room. She tossed things into her travel bag, pretending the tantalizing image wasn’t still burned into her mind and trying to expel the equally raging heat from her body. _I am so not going to survive this mission._

_______

“Come over here with me, angel.”

The pointed interjection into montrals that had been trying to hone in on subtle vibrations of infrared security lines made her flinch. Ahsoka spun around to see Vizago eyeing her.

From her sprawl across a richly embroidered chaise, Barriss raised a languid hand. “You’re making our host nervous.”

Pasting a vapid smile, Ahsoka trotted over and plopped beside Barriss. “Sorry. He has pretty pictures.”

Chuckling indulgently, the woman put an arm around her. Pulling Ahsoka into her side, she purred, “Which one do you like best? Perhaps, I’ll see if he wants to part with it.”

Ignoring the fact that her face was squashed entirely too close to the woman’s breasts, Ahsoka pointed to a garish painting of mustard yellow blobs near the hidden panel she’d been investigating.

Barriss raised an eyebrow at Vizago, who relaxed back into an armchair across from them. Rubbing his protruding chin, the Devaronian said, “Maybe I’ll throw it in as a bonus if we come to an understanding.”

“Oh, we will. In fact, I’ve taken the liberty of bringing you my own small bonus.” Twisting her wrist, a disc appeared in Barriss’ fingertips. “I always like to commemorate the start of a profitable business relationship.” She tossed it to him.

His shrewd red eyes lit up. Retrieving a secured reader from his desk, he slid in the data disc and activated a decryption protocol. It contained a multitude of intel on the various crime syndicates they’d gathered over the last two weeks. There were enough details to give the man a competitive advantage in both expanding markets and untapped clients. _Well, if we were going to let him stay in business long enough to use them._

While awaiting his verdict, Barriss lifted the hand resting on Ahsoka’s shoulder and stroked her montrals.

_Force, that feels good._ She barely suppressed a shudder. _I could get used to being eye-candy. Maybe I… can? _Something about the playacting was freeing. The inexplicable fear had quelled, and everything seemed possible. It felt like yet another opportunity she shouldn't waste. _Would it hurt to try?_ An excited buzz tingled Ahsoka’s skin at the idea.

The whirring came to a halt, and Vizago tabbed through the readout. A grudging grin finally appeared. “I can see we understand each other, Zeta. You may have a chance to earn your little doll’s painting after all.”

Pushing Ahsoka off to the side, Barriss shifted forward. All lightness vanished as the lines of her face sharpened to a saber’s point. “I should hope so.”

Vizago blinked and then chuckled. “Ah, I do believe I’m going to like you.” He made a series of complex taps into a comm on his belt. Its indicator light flashed from red to green. Rising from his seat, the man waved a hand toward an archway behind him. “Will you join me for dinner? Tomorrow, we talk business.”

_______

The silver protocol droid motioned his stiff arm at an ornately carved door. “My master has assigned our best guest quarters for your stay. The closet is stocked with an array of fresh attire, should you need them. The finest refreshments and a variety of leisure items can be found in the side room. If you require anything, simply touch the call button on the desk and I will attend you personally.”

Ahsoka gushed, “That’s so nice!” Hopping forward, she flung the door open and cooed, “Oooo, pretty!” The woman bounced into the room with escalating squeals.

Barriss snorted and then nodded to the droid. “Please, convey our gratitude to your master for his hospitality.”

“It is his pleasure, madam. Have a relaxing evening.” As the droid retreated down the corridor, she tapped her chin. _That's an option._

Walking through the door, she came to an abrupt halt. While expecting only one bed, Barriss hadn’t been anticipating such a provocative one. She couldn’t decide if this fact excited or disturbed her, especially after noticing the full canopy with inlaid mirror. _Seriously?_

A voice floated out of an open door at the back of the space, “Um, Zeta?”

Shaking herself, Barriss crossed to the side room to see an ashen Ahsoka. “What?”

The woman held up a fleshy, cylindrical object about ten inches long and made of textured silicone. “Is this what I think it is?”

Barriss nearly choked. “Ergm, put it down, angel. We don’t know where that’s been.”

As Ahsoka ran her fingers over the slightly curved shaft, it started vibrating her entire arm. “Woah.” Color flooding back into her face, she raised suspiciously flirtatious eyebrows. “I’m sure our host sanitizes.”

Gulping something between a gasp and a laugh, she sputtered, “Any-anything else of interest?”

The blue eyes glinted. “Oh, yeah. I’ll let you find the goodies on your own. I’m going to get ready for bed.” Ahsoka picked up a bottle of what looked like wine, kissed her cheek, and sped out the door.

Bracing herself against a shelf containing a wide variety of spice, Barriss took a multitude of short breaths. _What is happening?_ Ahsoka had gotten bold since their arrival. Still, they were most certainly under surveillance. How much of her behavior was real? Either way, it wasn’t an ideal circumstance to explore their relationship. Plus, she wasn’t confident Ahsoka could handle it. Her attempts to broach the topic thus far hadn’t gone well.

_Get it together, Offee. Survive this and then you can talk. If she’ll let you._ Feeling in control of her desires once more, Barriss walked back into the main room. _Oh no._

Ahsoka had apparently found a _very_ short, silky robe in the closet. All of her clothing lay strewn across the floor. She was propped against the headboard, bare legs curled underneath her. The charcoal robe was loosely tied at her waist. It gapped at the chest, rounded edges of her naked breasts peeking out. She held up two glass goblets, filled to the brim with garnet wine. “Nightcap?”

Barriss hugged herself, body spiraling. _You’re playing with fire, Tano. And I will burn._ Meeting the hopeful gaze, she stated flatly, “I’m not sure you’re ready for that, angel. You only like to sip.”

She winced. “I know. But I thought it might be an acquired taste. And this is a special occasion.” Her left cheek twitched. “Can I… try and see?”

Squeezing her cavorting stomach tighter, Barriss considered whether her heart could manage the implied request. _Do I even care at this moment? No._ Crossing to the bed, she took a glass and settled beside her. Raising her free hand, she trailed fingers over a lek. “Alright.”

A small squeak came out of Ahsoka. Flushing darkly, the woman downed her entire goblet in one long chug. She wheezed and slapped her chest.

Barriss snagged the drained glass from a flailing hand and set it on the side table. Smiling softly, she brushed a drop of wine from Ahsoka’s lips. “You are adorable.”

There was a sheepish grin. It vanished as she whispered, “Can I k-kiss you?”

Her glass trembled, and Barriss took a quick gulp. _Ugh. I forgot how much I hate reds._ Placing her remaining wine beside the empty goblet, she returned attention to Ahsoka. “If you want. But just kissing tonight. I have negotiations tomorrow and need to stay focused.”

Ahsoka nodded eagerly. “Ok.” She leaned forward and then back. Shifting her body resulted in an even more awkward position. Hopping up on her knees, she sat on them in front of Barriss but remained motionless. Her gaze fixated on Barriss’ mouth, fingers picking at the tie of her robe.

That’s when it occurred to her Ahsoka probably hadn’t kissed anyone before. At least, not in a real way. Even during the performance for Cartyre, the Togruta had basically stood there in dumbfounded shock. She had obviously never initiated a kiss.

Sliding a hand around the back of Ahsoka’s head, Barriss guided it closer, until they were mere inches apart. “Take your time and it’ll come naturally.” Pitching her voice to a level only montrals could pick up, she added, “I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

Ahsoka inhaled sharply. She wiped palms on her robe, before flattening them onto the bed. Tilting forward, the woman carefully touched lips to hers. It was no more than a ghosting of skin. Jerking back, she grimaced and tried again from a different angle. There was actual pressure this time, but it was over just as quickly. The third attempt resulted in their noses smashing together, while the fourth consisted of several small pecks.

Barriss smiled encouragingly and waited for her to get comfortable, despite wanting to pin the woman to the bed and never let her up.

The fifth try was apparently the charm. Ahsoka’s mouth stayed in place and began tentatively moving over hers. Barriss angled her head into the kiss and returned it.

Ahsoka sucked air through her nose and hands shot up to clench Barriss’ face. Her thick lips ground down as if afraid Barriss might disappear.

She interlocked fingers around the back of Ahsoka’s neck. Keeping a gentle touch, Barriss let her set the pace. However, she did loosen her lips and guide Ahsoka’s head a bit to the right.

The Togruta caught on swiftly and reduced the pressure of her own. The jerky movements became more fluid. Ahsoka’s vice grip relaxed as she hesitantly caressed one of Barriss’ cheeks. That was when the kiss became… magic.

Barriss drank the hungry mouth burning into hers, the wiry muscles her fingers were digging into, the light spicy scent of Ahsoka’s perfume, and most of all the soft whines coming from the other woman. She was floating somewhere outside of her own body. If it was possible to be one with the Force, this moment must be as close as she could get.

A lack of proper air finally forced it to end, however. Inhaling ragged breaths, Ahsoka locked blown pupils on her. An anxious question permeated her expression.

“Perfect, angel,” Barriss answered throatily. “It was perfect.”

A smile overtook Ahsoka’s face, and her body jittered. “Can we try again? I think I can do better than perfect.”

She laughed. “Yes, pleas—eek!”

Planting lips into the ideal position on the first try, Ahsoka’s speed increased. She alternated pressures and achieved a steady rhythm. One arm wrapped around Barriss, while another lifted to run fingers through her hair.

_Force, she’s a fast learner. Figures._ Grinning into the kiss, Barriss stopped thinking and fell into another perfect moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find this chapter delightful. Since I wrote said chapter, that statement lacks modesty. But when you're good, you're good, am I right? Can I get a hell yeah?
> 
> Caveat: If anyone other than me comments on the delightfulness of this chapter, I retract the above and insert: "I really hope this part turned out ok. I'm not a very good writer, but I tried."
> 
> Does any of the above reflect Gabby's true feelings on the matter? Eh, depends on the day.


	4. High on Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All you need to be happy is pos-i-tiv-i-ty. Woot!  
Nevermind the unrealistic logic of catchy cliches and chapter titles, people. Let's see what Ahsoka and Barriss do with this advice.

Opening groggy eyes, Ahsoka blinked a few times as the morning lighting activated. Feeling the warm body against hers, she smiled and inhaled the scent of ginger on her own lips. Rotating her head on Barriss’ shoulder, she gazed at the sleeping face. _You are so beautiful. _She’d fallen into one of her dreams and didn’t want to wake up.

After a night of kissing Barriss to the point of rubbing her now puffy lips raw, Ahsoka knew she couldn’t go back. In fact, she needed more. The woman had been restrained, not touching her in certain places and keeping their focus above shoulder-level. She didn't know if it was due to them likely being under surveillance, or because Barriss wasn’t interested in going further with her.

_I suppose you could ask._ Ahsoka’s muscles tensed. Shifting her attention to the intertwined fingers lying on Barriss’ stomach, she massaged a thumb over them.

Talking about whatever this was still created fear. Last night had worked because they hadn’t really. Everything had been coded, cloaked in their cover. It wasn’t real, but it was. _I want it to be real. Don’t I? Have I just made things worse? How can we act normal after this? What is our normal?_

The stomach underneath her hardened as the breathing changed rhythm. Ahsoka knew Barriss was waking up but didn’t look at her. Instead, she continued to stare at their locked hands. Until, they lifted and rested on Ahsoka’s cheek.

Barriss murmured, “Good morning, my angel.”

Ahsoka grinned, though she kept her attention on the silky stomach. “Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have in a long time,” Ahsoka answered quietly.

Her body relaxed. “I’m glad.” There was a slight hitch as she added, “So, did I.”

Finally looking at Barriss, her heart jolted at the crackling intensity in the electric blue eyes. Moving both hands to the beautiful face, Ahsoka pressed their lips together with a confidence that came from a night of learning exactly how Barriss liked her to do so. The woman hummed as she returned the tender kiss.

_I want this all the time. Please. Then, tell her that._ The thought pierced the bubble of happiness and her stomach knotted. Pulling away, she snuggled into the woman’s warmth, unable to handle her confusion but also unwilling to leave Barriss’ side.

Gentle fingers stroked her montrals for a minute, until a regretful sigh sounded. “Angel, as much as I’d love to keep you like this forever, I do have to prepare for the meeting with our host.”

Ahsoka stiffened. _Right. Mission. This is a mission._ Sitting up quickly, she said, “Yep. I know. Sorry.”

Barriss shifted in the bed behind her and then slid arms around Ahsoka's stomach. “Don’t worry. I'll close this deal in a couple of days. Then, we can lay around as much as you want. Maybe even sample some more _flavorful_ varieties of wine, now that you’ve discovered a taste for it.” Her tone wavered. “Would you like that?”

She sucked in a breath and nodded vigorously. “Very much.”

The embrace tightened. Barriss tucked lips between her lekku to rub them across the back of Ahsoka’s neck. “That makes me happy,” she said so softly her montrals almost missed it.

Reality fell away, and she was soaring high above exquisite, indigo-tinted clouds of a night sky. A shining moon guided her path to a neverending shore of stars. And, for the first time since the war ended, there was a brief moment where Ahsoka Tano felt… whole.

_______

Vizago gave Barriss a smarmy grin as she walked into the exquisitely furnished meeting room. Laid out on the Kriin-wood table was an assortment of breakfast items ranging from eggs and mealgrain to something that resembled squid toes. He waved a languid hand. “Help yourself. I’ve also had a selection delivered to your quarters, so your little doll keeps her strength up. She must be exhausted after such a long night.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “The show was that enjoyable?”

He chuckled. “I confess I didn’t pry too much. How people treat their toys is always insightful is all. More so, in this instance, as careful grooming has become rare these days. Many rush the matter. How long have you had her?”

Picking at a flaky purple pastry, she responded dryly, “Are you attempting to judge my proficiency?”

The man smirked and poured two cups of caf. “Mere curiosity. Given the obvious inexperience, one would expect her to be a new acquisition. However, I was wondering if you would surprise me.” He lifted his mug in a small salute. “Though, I must admit it was quite an impressive learning curve.”

Barriss couldn’t help her own smirk. _It most certainly was._ “I pick worthy students. You are correct that she is a relatively recent find. I typically prepare them for a more significant period before making the physical connection. Our visit here simply provided an opportunity to expose her to it without a guarantee of continuation post-departure.”

Vizago grunted. “Clever. Pulling back will cause angst but not resentment. Giving her a taste creates a desire to prove herself to regain your favor.”

“Indeed. The insecurity in that area, need for sole attention, desire to feel special, and general level of naivete make it an effective approach.” Shifting the conversation off a topic that was stretching her tolerance level, she asked, “Do you not have your own toys to keep you entertained?”

He sipped his caf with a shrug. “I find the long-term maintenance to be rather troublesome and fraught with disloyalty.”

“Loyalty must be cultivated.”

“As I said, troublesome.”

“Hmm, perhaps. Still, I believe it to be worth the effort, assuming you choose wisely at the outset. One of my prior acquisitions took a blaster bolt meant for me. No amount of credits or threat can displace true loyalty.”

Vizago stroked his goatee. “An interesting supposition. Of course, this is a discussion for another time. Shall we broach more profitable topics?”

Finishing the last of her pastry, Barriss settled into a chair across from him and cradled the caf in her hands. “I am always interested in discussing profit.”

_______

Ahsoka admired herself in the mirror. _Barriss will go crazy for this one. I hope._

Smoothing wrinkles from the silky, intricately designed, golden sleeves, she frowned at her chest. The kimono-like top was not making the most of itself. Loosening the wrap, she shimmied it down, so the vee came together directly below her breasts. Then, she arranged both flaps to cross the majority of what she thought was her best physical attribute, leaving the curved edges tantalizingly exposed. Glancing back in the mirror, she gave herself two thumbs up. _That’s more like it._

Facing the droid, who had her rejected outfits draped over his stiff arm, she spun in a circle. “What do you think, Seeper?”

His modulated, robotic voice somehow managed to convey annoyance. “As I have already stated, madam, I am a protocol droid. I cannot provide opinions on finery. Also, my proper designation is C-7PR. Another fact I have previously mentioned.”

She groaned. “Come on! Play along! Tell me I look ravishing or something.”

“Well, I never.” He prissily cleared his throat and droned, “That is an excellent choice, madam. You look ravishing.”

Ahsoka grinned and hugged him, flicking a fingernail-sized tracker between an exposed joint. “Why thank you, Seepsie. You’re too kind.”

The droid made a noise that sounded suspiciously close to an exasperated sigh. “And will you be requiring anything else this morning?”

Hopping over to the selection of perfumes, she flapped a hand of dismissal. “No, all set. Thanks for the assist.”

“It was my, ahem… pleasure to serve.” He waddled to the door and closed it behind him.

She sniffed the various fragrances. “Ick!” Shoving several well away, Ahsoka eyed the two remaining options. Taking a long whiff of each one, she chewed on her bottom lip.

Changing strategies, Ahsoka squashed a bottle on each side of her nostrils to see which one she was drawn to. However, the combined aromas started to make her queasy. Putting them back on the table, she spotted a missed option hiding behind a jewelry box.

Grabbing it, she inhaled hopefully and then swooned as every sense lit up. _Woah._ She had to lean on the vanity to steady her balance. _What is that?!_ Squinting at the faded lettering, she drawled, “Ecu da—no, eau de… mirial.” Ahsoka blinked. “You can’t be serious.” She read it again, wondering if her mind had imagined the name. _Nope. That’s really what it says._

A grin covered her entire face as she slathered it on her arms, chin and neck. Considering for a moment, she added heavy doses to her breastline, lekku, and was giving serious thought to whether Barriss might be close to her thighs, when she realized her stomach was swimming.

_Uh oh. Too much?_ Running to the fresher, Ahsoka scrubbed vigorously, until satisfied she would no longer send Barriss into perfume-induced illness. She returned to the vanity and applied a few dabs to her neck and wrists. _Better._ Unable to restrain herself, she snuck a tiny splotch between her breasts.

Adjusting her now askew top back to its more revealing position, Ahsoka gazed at herself in the mirror one last time and smiled. _Resist this, Offee._

_______

_What can they possibly be talking about?! It’s been hours!_

After a morning of planting a trace on Vizago’s communication lines, identifying security gaps, and wandering aimlessly through his rock garden_—what kind of self-respecting criminal collects chunks of stone for relaxation?—_Ahsoka couldn’t take it anymore.

Quitting her incessant pacing around their quarters, she wandered into the side room and investigated the ‘leisure items’. Wrinkling her nose, Ahsoka examined a small, rubber ball with attached straps. _Are those teeth marks? Do I even want to know? Um… maybe? _Picking up the vibrating whatchamacallit next to it, she ran fingers over the shaft. As a result of her illuminating research prior to leaving the ship, she had a good idea of how to use it.

Her lower abdomen crunched and a slow ache crept in. An image of Barriss running it down Ahsoka’s body emerged unbidden. With a sultry smile, the woman disappeared between her legs. The tingling ache blazed into a fiery inferno. _Stop it, Tano._ Tossing the item back on the shelf, she spun to the opposite side of the room. _Think about something else. Anything else. _

Her gaze wandered back. _Maybe I should… practice? Absolutely not! Do you really want to experiment in front of Force knows who? Recorded for smuggler posterity?_ The burning spread through her body, and Ahsoka wasn’t sure she cared. Until, a deeper thought came._ I want Barriss to be my first experience._ Determination settled, and her wavering control stabilized once more.

Continuing her exploration, Ahsoka spotted apparently edible delicacies. She read the labels on transparent tubes of colored gel. _Bubblegum flavor? Ooo, chocolate!_

Reaching the shelves on the back wall, she fingered packets of spice. Ahsoka assumed it was spice, anyway. She and Anakin had busted a smuggling ring during the war, and this stuff looked similar. _Wonder what it feels like? Must be good, if people break the law to get their hands on it. Hmm… _

_Gah! This place is a kriffin’ minefield. Run away_. She backed out of the space like a lumbering rancor. Tripping on the lip of the door, Ahsoka stumbled into a side table and hit her shin. “Argh!” Rubbing her throbbing leg, she hobbled over to the mirror to ensure she remained presentable.

Satisfied she was still ravishing, Ahsoka sagged into a chair. _Come on, Barriss. You said this morning was just an introductory negotiation. He’d want more time to evaluate us before committing to a deal._ What could they possibly be discussing? Or… doing.

_Oh no. Don’t do this to yourself! It’s not true. Barriss wouldn’t do that. Well, I guess you don’t know if she would. Still, she’s not going to have one of those quickie things with a crime boss. Especially not one with horns!_

The longer she sat, the more scenarios her mind conjured. Ahsoka crossed her legs, causing the shiny, leather pants to squeak. Jumping up, she resumed pacing, mind tilting into the winds of anarchy. _Please, please, stop. _It didn’t.

In fact, it morphed into every worry, fear, heartache, confusion, misery, and desire of the last year—spiking bolts into a brain that was already taxed to its limits. Ahsoka’s chest burned as her breaths hit erratic beats. _Too much. It’s all too much._

_Distraction. Find a distraction._ Her gaze swerved to the side room. _No. You can handle this. You are a Jedi. A Jedi is calm. A Jedi controls their emotions. A Jedi is disciplined._

Halting her relentless tread, she snapped her eyes shut._ There is no emotion, there is peace. No emotion. Peace. Peeeaace. Peace. P-peace. Peacepeacepeace… peace! _

_Argh! Ok, ok, ok. There is no chaos, there is harmony. Yes, harmony. Peace. Calm. Harmony. Pea—_

_Dammit, Tano, be PEACEFUL!_

_______

Barriss halted mid-sentence as the protocol droid shuffled into the meeting room. “I apologize for the interruption, Master. However, we have, erm, a delicate situation.”

Vizago’s eyes narrowed. “It better be a damn important one to interrupt my business, C7.”

The droid turned to Barriss. “Ahem, yes. I am sorry to bring this to your attention, madam. However, it appears your companion has overindulged.”

She stared, muscles tightening. “Overindulged in what?”

“Based on the empty packets strewn across your quarters, a large quantity of spice. Her behavior is getting quite out of—”

Leaping up, Barriss raced from the room. Reaching their quarters, she heard a loud screech. _Oh no._

Bursting through the door, her jaw dropped and remained hanging in that undignified state for at least ten seconds. Two things were responsible for her uncommon reaction. The first was Ahsoka perched on top of the wooden canopy over the bed, shooting squinty eyes down at a scowling Nikto armed with double blasters. The second? She was absolutely breathtaking. _Force it all, Tano, it’s criminal for anyone to look that ravishing. How am I supposed to focus?!_

Ahsoka spotted her and a dopey grin appeared. “You came back!” Crowing triumphantly, she sniffed at the guard. “Told you my girlfriend would save me. Now, aren’t you sorry you said those mean things? She could kill you with just her pinky.”

Barriss groaned and crossed to the Nikto. “Did she damage any property?”

He growled. “She tried. I had to chase her from a secure area. She was beating a perimeter sensor and shouting nonsense orders at someone called Rex as if she was leading an army." The man scoffed at the apparent ridiculousness of the idea. "Fortunately, the sensors are made of doonium.”

“I’m glad you were able to prevent any further incidents. I’ll take it from here. Please, return to your duties with my sincere apologies.”

The Nikto grunted and then threw a final scowl at Ahsoka, before exiting.

Barriss walked to her satchel and found the bottle containing a flushing agent for intoxicants. She had brought it as a precaution against any nefarious stratagems on the part of Vizago. She never expected to need it for voluntary drug usage. Returning to the bed, she beckoned. “Will you come down please?”

The girl chewed on a fingernail and shook her head so violently she almost fell off the side. “You’re angry at me. I can tell.”

“No, I’m just worried. How did you even get up there?” _Please, please, please, don’t say the Force._

Ahsoka thrust out her chest and proclaimed, “I climbed. I’m good at climbing.”

“Ah, I see. Well, can you show me your impressive abilities by climbing to me?”

She puffed air into her cheeks. “Are you sure you aren’t mad?”

“I promise. Come here, and I’ll give you a kiss to prove it.”

Her face lit up and she scrambled to the edge of the canopy. Rotating over the side, Ahsoka shimmied down a bed post and landed on the floor like a cat. Popping up, she skipped to Barriss and bobbed on her toes. “Here I am.”

Barriss was unable to suppress a grin. “You are _adorable._” Holding up the pill, she continued, “Can you take this first? It will keep the guards from chasing you.”

She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. “Oghkay.”

“Thanks.” Barriss waited for the swallow and then delivered on her promise with a light peck of her lips.

Ahsoka apparently had other ideas. She lunged into the kiss as her hand shot out and groped Barriss’ breast.

Jerking away, she locked fingers around Ahsoka’s wrist. “No, angel. This isn’t the time for that.”

Her posture crumpled. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it. Or, I did but—I was just trying to show you I’m—” Ahsoka's voice careened into high-pitched panic, eyes glistening. “I know I’m not experienced, but I can learn. Please, let me try. I'm sure I can make you feel better than some crime boss. I’ll be whatever you want, do anything—”

She put a hand over Ahsoka’s mouth. “Ssh, it’s ok. Don’t get upset.”

Wild eyes stared back at her, but the stream of words halted. Until, a small voice whispered, “I don’t want you to leave me.”

Barriss blinked and then said quietly, “Good, because I’m not going anywhere.” She caressed her cheek, trying to soothe the trembling. “Don’t be scared. Everything is alright. I promise.”

The taut muscles started to relax under Barriss’ fingers. “K.”

“How about we go on a walk together? Would you like that?”

Ahsoka responded with a jerky nod.

Barriss took her hand. “Come on.”

She trotted along obediently. Exiting the room, Barriss found two guards, the droid, and Vizago hovering. “We’re going for a stroll around your rock garden, if that is acceptable? I’m afraid it will delay our discussions for a brief period. However, I think the air will help clear her head, so she can sleep it off. That way we can avoid any further distractions.”

Vizago nodded. “A wise course of action. I have other matters I can attend to. We’ll pick up again after lunch. Feel free to use any of the guest facilities. Let C7 know if your companion requires any medical attention.”

“Thank you for your gracious hospitality. My angel has been quite sheltered and doesn’t fully understand the effects. I should have anticipated this possibility. I apologize for the trouble.”

“Not at all. This isn't our first such situation,” he remarked wryly. The Devaronian dismissed his people. “Until later, Zeta.”

Ahsoka moved closer, fingers crushing hers as she glowered at the retreating Vizago.

Barriss nudged her. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“You don’t like him more than me, do you?”

_Really, Tano? You're jealous of a criminal? One we're undercover to arrest no less. _Lifting Ahsoka’s chin, she locked their eyes. “There is nothing going on between me and Vizago.” Shifting to a lower decibel range to hopefully prevent audio in the hallway picking it up, she said, “There’s only one person I want.”

An anxious gaze searched hers. “Is it someone I know?”

Barriss had to strongly resist the urge to throttle something but then an exhausted laugh replaced the frustration. It was just such a ridiculous state of affairs. “Oh, my poor angel. Let’s go on our walk, and I’ll tell you.”

“Promise?”

She guided them away from prying eyes with a soft, “Promise.”

_______

Barriss chose an open spot between two huge boulders in the rock garden, which probably contained listening devices. Vizago wouldn’t leave a section of his property unmonitored. She twisted the gauntlets on her forearms to catalyze the electronic interference agent. He should surmise his limited equipment in this space malfunctioned. If not, Barriss had earned enough trust for Vizago to overlook the transgression. He may even be impressed she managed to get the better of him. _I hope._

Standing across from Ahsoka, she squeezed her hands. “Hey, how are you feeling? Any different?”

The Togruta shook her lekku a few times. “Strange. Everything is sorta spinning but also not.”

Barriss exhaled in relief. The counteragent was doing its work. Ahsoka should be back to herself in a few minutes. Rather, a version of herself that would be crashing hard. _Calm her down and then put her to bed._ “Can you tell me why you decided to explore the spice selection?”

Ahsoka thrust her bottom lip out, tone reverting to a petulant inflection. “You were taking forever, and I didn’t know what you were doing! I thought you and that horny guy might be doing, you know…” Her voice lowered, eyes darting around. “...sexy stuff.” The pout returned. “I wanted to show you my pretty new outfit and see if you liked me. But you never came back!”

“Oookay. Right. Well, I’m sorry I took so long. I do love your outfit. You look _ravishing._” There was a childishly pleased grin in response. Barriss added, “And I am definitely not interested in that, erm, horny guy.”

Suspicious eyes squinted at her. “You like doing sexy stuff with people. You said it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just fun.” Ahsoka crossed her arms and stared at the ground. “I can be fun.”

_Oh._ “That may have been true once but not anymore. Like I said, there’s only one person I want now. Still, that doesn’t explain why you decided to try the spice.”

“Dunno,” she mumbled. “Maybe I thought it would make me happy.”

“You’re not happy?”

Her eyes slowly lifted. “No.”

Barriss probed her face. “Why not?”

She stamped her foot. “Can we talk about something else now? I don’t like this walk.”

Putting up placating hands, Barriss smiled. “Alright. What would you prefer to talk about?”

Ahsoka twisted her fingers together. “You said you’d tell me who you wanted. You promised.”

“Can I say after the effects—you aren’t spinning anymore?”

Her nose scrunched. “The spinning is getting better, though.” She flapped her arms around and then stretched a hand toward Barriss’ face, stopping just short of touching it. “See? I’m not even dizzy. Is that close enough to get a hint?”

She couldn’t help a grin. “You are seriously the most adorable spice-user ever.” Taking her hand, she kissed the fingertips. “There’s your hint.”

Her face flooded with buzzing excitement. “Does that mean it’s me? Because I really, really, really hope it’s me. I want you so much. I can’t even be in the same room without wanting to kiss you and touch you. And I want you to touch me so bad. It’s impossible to even look at you sometimes without feeling like I’m dying. Since the war ended, all I think about is you. I would do anything to make you happy. You’re like the best thing ever. When I try to say this stuff, I’m freaked out. But right now, it’s ok. I dunno why. Though, I still don’t want to talk about it or anything. Can we not talk about it and just be together? Otherwise, I get scared. And it’s—” There was no pause between the first word and the last, forcing Ahsoka to break off and suck oxygen into her lungs.

Barriss was torn between laughing and crying. Pulling Ahsoka into her, she wrapped the woman up in her arms. “I understand. We’ll have to talk about it some, but I’m sure we can figure out a way that makes you feel not as scared. Do you trust me enough to try?”

Ahsoka fell quiet for a few seconds and then snuggled into the embrace. “Yes. I trust you more than anyone. You’re my whole world.”

She swallowed the knot in her throat. “Good.”

They stood in silence for a perfect moment. Until, Ahsoka leaned back and asked, “Do you need me?”

Her mouth parted. “Of course, I do.”

“Are you sure? I thought maybe you don’t anymore, now that you’re all better.”

Barriss cupped her face. “I absolutely need you. Just because I’m feeling more confident and alright with myself doesn’t change that. You are my light, Ahsoka. I can’t do without you.”

A brilliant smile shined back at her. “That makes me happier than spicy stuff.” An expression of utter contemplation appeared. “Not sure if it would be better than sexy stuff, though. I haven’t tried that yet. I’m waiting to do it with you.” She lifted a trembling hand and touched Barriss’ lips. “Can I kiss you? Pretty please?”

“Anytime you want,” she murmured.

Her eyes bulged, and Ahsoka whispered, “Anytime anytime? Does that mean we’re like, you know, together now?”

She circled thumbs over her cheeks. “Once you stop spinning, you tell me if that’s what you want.”

There was a vigorous nod. “I totally will.” Then, Ahsoka leaned forward and pressed eager lips into hers.

Barriss sighed happily and lost herself in the fleeting moment, praying she would survive the fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should be called 'Adorable Ahsoka'. Alternatively, 'I'm Dying Here Barriss'.
> 
> I'll be traveling for work over the next week without much time to write. So, you're unlikely to see another update on this story in the interim. As such, I have _toiled_ this weekend to leave you a meaty filet of melodrama to masticate. Hopefully, it will lessen the pangs of delayed gratification. [Masticate, really? Who uses that word? Pretentious writers with a penchant for alliteration, that's who.]  
  
_Small Print: Remuneration for all incurred toil may be made in the form of comments & kudos._


	5. Someone to Watch Over Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood  
I know I could, always be good  
To one who'll watch over me"  
[Ira Gershwin, "Someone to Watch Over Me"]

Slitting her eyes, Ahsoka slammed them closed as sinfully bright light invaded their sanctuary. Rolling onto her side, she buried a throbbing head in her pillow and muttered, “Never, never, never again.”

There was a quiet chuckle. “Guess I can save my lecture about the dangers of drugs.”

Eyes flying open once more, she saw an amused face peering down at her. “Um, hey.”

“Hey back.” Barriss set her pad on the nightstand and scooted down to mirror her position. Reaching over, she massaged Ahsoka’s cheek. “I’d ask how you’re feeling, but I believe that's obvious.”

She groaned. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I do. You told me.” Her expression tightened. “Do you remember?”

Focusing, Ahsoka sorted through disjointed images. “It’s a bit fuzzy at the moment, but I…” She cringed at a memory of shimmying up a bed post. Then, another one sharpened, and the blood drained from her face. “D-did I really…” She motioned toward Barriss’ chest.

Propping her cocked head on a fist, she grinned. “Did you grope my breast? That’s the thing that stuck with you?”

“Um, maybe?” Her gaze dropped to the blanket between them. “I’m sorry. That was way out of line. Did it—I'm so sorry.”

Barriss lifted Ahsoka's chin. “Don’t worry. I'm not upset. It lasted two seconds. I had nearly forgotten about it, actually.”

Exhaling, she pressed palms to her aching eyes. “Thank the Force. If I'd—I wouldn't have—I'm just glad.” Giving a shaky smile, she continued, “Any other dramatic incidents I should know about?”

The woman pursed her lips. “Not sure I want to tell you.”

“Why?” Ahsoka froze. “Did I compromise your negotiation?” _Please, don’t let me have ruined the mission._

“No. Vizago was quite gracious about the situation, fortunately. We postponed our discussions for a brief period. Actually, those have already occurred. We’ve finished our major negotiation points. It’s almost midnight, angel. Other than an occasional zombie walk to the fresher, you've been out the entire day. A final meeting in the morning should take care of my business here.”

“Whew. Good. Wait. Then, how come you don’t want to tell me anything?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Because you don’t want to tell me anything. It took more spice than anyone should ever have to get the truth.”

Ahsoka twitched. “W-what do you mean?”

Barriss sighed. “Sleep on it. I'm sure it'll come to you. We'll see where things stand after we leave.” Sliding off the bed, she strolled to the fresher. Looking back at the door, she arched an eyebrow. “You can have what you want. But you’ll have to earn it this time.”

Her mouth gaped open as the woman vanished. _Does that mean what I think it means? Probably. What did you say?!_ Ahsoka strained to make the memories come into focus. There were rocks, an adoring smile, soft lips on hers…

Head collapsing onto her pillow, Ahsoka gazed at an ugly vase on the dresser. _You told her everything._ She didn’t remember the words. However, the certainty was undeniable. _Now, she wants you to do it sober._ Her stomach twisted._ I can’t. You already have. What’s the difference? It’s not the same. Why not? _Judging by the other memories, the reaction must have been positive. _So, what’s the problem?_

Her confusion was interrupted by a seizure. Barriss had reemerged in a silky nightgown that hugged her tantalizing curves, except for smooth olive legs swishing in naked glory from mid-thigh downward. Stretching arms above her head, the woman arched her back with a little groan. Skintight fabric strained against her chest as the bottom hem rode up. Ahsoka strangled a gasp.

One corner of her mouth twitching, Barriss sashayed across their quarters to the control panel. Facing Ahsoka, she _very_ slowly lowered the lights to night-level. Featherlight fingers danced along the black lace decorating her breastline as electrifying eyes burned into hers.

Ahsoka forgot how to think, breathe, or blink. Buzzing hummed in her montrals. _Die. Must. I. Dying._

Barriss released a wispy sigh and glided to the bed. She languidly settled onto her side, sizzling gaze never leaving Ahsoka’s. Opening her arms, she purred, “Want me to hold you, angel?”

Her lungs halted completely, nerves firing in rapid bursts. _Yes. Yes. Yes. Yesyesyesyesyes…_ Forcing sluggish muscles into a roll fit for a drunk Gungan, her back managed to end up tucked against Barriss. The Mirialan pressed a sweltering body into hers and slid an arm over her stomach, raising the serious possibility of a full-on heat stroke. Ahsoka watched shapeless air spin in flashing circles, trapped somewhere between agony and ecstasy.

Moist lips nuzzled the nape of her neck. Each steamy exhale lit sensitive edges of a nearby lek. “Sleep tight. You have a big day tomorrow.”

Letting out a tiny whimper, she stared wide-eyed at the wall, listening to Barriss’ breathing slow to a steady rhythm. There was definitely no sleep on the agenda for Ahsoka Tano tonight.

_______

Ahsoka shoved the last of their belongings into a satchel. She had busied herself packing, while awaiting Barriss’ return from her final meeting with Vizago. However, it hadn’t helped resolve the still raging battle with herself. A night of exquisite agony and its resulting exhaustion had only stoked the fires of conflict further.

_Tell her that you desperately want to be hers. That she makes you feel alive again. That you’d give up everything for her. I can’t. Why not? I don’t know! You do. Stop lying to yourself._

Ahsoka knew she would do anything, _be_ anything, to keep Barriss. She also knew it wouldn’t be good enough. Following her heart would mean breaking it.

Her throat thickened, and she stumble walked to the far corner. A small space between the back wall and a bookcase was the only blind spot they’d identified in Vizago’s surveillance. Plucking a book, she opened it and pretended to be fascinated. Flipping a page, Ahsoka edged around the corner of the bookcase. It wasn’t the most convincing performance of an absentminded girl finding a random nook to read, but the best she could manage in the moment.

Sliding down the wall, she tucked a silently crying face into her knees. Being with Barriss would fall apart like the rest of her life. _Why would she stay with you after she sees the truth?_

Everything she had thought defined her was a lie. Being a Jedi had given her life a noble purpose, a destiny guided by the Force itself. Ahsoka Tano fought for peace, protected the innocent, made her master proud, and brought light to darkness. She was needed.

She’d pushed herself to the edge of breaking time and again, achieving everything asked of her. And for what? Those she’d trusted to lead her had failed. The war she’d thought meant something hadn’t. All the death, pain, and sacrifice had been for nothing. _I’m nothing._ Being a Jedi didn’t mean anything at all. Her life had no purpose. It never had.

Filling the emptiness with Barriss had only worked for awhile. She had tried to be everything and been found wanting. Her journey had ended where it started.

Ahsoka Tano was a mirage. There was nothing to give. To anyone.

_______

Barriss entered their quarters and blinked in confusion. “Angel? Are you here?”

There was a choked gasp and then Ahsoka popped out of the far corner. “You’re done. Great.” She flung a finger at the bags on the bed. “I packed.” Turning away, the woman clumsily returned a book to the shelf. She remained standing there, adjusting and readjusting the spine to line up with the others.

Striding across the room, she instantly spotted what Ahsoka was trying to hide. Her pulse ramped up to dizzying rapidity. She’d never before witnessed such raw misery in the expressive blue eyes. Barriss nudged the woman back into the surveillance dead zone. Cupping the tear-streaked face, she rubbed thumbs over her cheeks. “Hey, it’s ok. Whatever is wrong, we’ll fix it.”

“Don’t bother,” a broken voice rasped. “I can’t be what you want. There’s nothing I can give you. You’ll figure it out sooner or later.”

_Oh, I’ve been blind._ The pieces abruptly snapped into place. It was looking into a mirror darkly. _Different book, same story._ The fear of sharing, frustration at the Council, fluctuating confidence level, and worry about being needed screamed the truth she’d somehow missed. Ahsoka’s identity had shattered. She felt like a fraud in her own life, caged inside a house of lies that would eventually collapse. _Including being with me._ Barriss wished her epiphany hadn’t come huddled in a precarious corner of a criminal compound. _Work with what you’ve got, Offee._ “Will you think about something for me?”

There was a half-hearted shrug in response.

Leaning into her montrals, she whispered, “I don’t want you to give me anything more than you already have. I’m not asking for you to be a fearless hero, supportive friend, beacon of strength, or anything else. I just want _you._ The girl you were, the woman that is, and whoever that person becomes.” She lifted Ahsoka’s eyes to hers. “I need you. I always have. The real question is can you let yourself need me in return?”

Ahsoka flinched, and Barriss continued quickly, “Please, think about it. When you decide the answer, I’ll still be here.” Pressing lips against her forehead, she murmured, “I promise I won’t let you fall. Ever.” Reluctantly releasing her grip, the woman moved to their bags. “Enough dilly dallying, angel. I’ve got several business matters awaiting my attention.”

Taking a steadying breath, Ahsoka wiped her face. She pasted an empty grin and raced into the fresher. “Yep. Ready in a jiffy.”

_______

The hired speeder rocked as its driver streaked across the landscape, matching Ahsoka’s turbulent thoughts._ ‘Can you let yourself need me?’_

Staring at her bag, she twisted fingers through the straps. The whispered message was the first time it occurred to her that she didn’t have to be everything to keep Barriss. The woman wanted her not because Ahsoka helped her get through the day, but because she was Ahsoka.

The idea grounded her in a way she hadn’t felt since the war ended. It was ok to be confused and lost. Barriss wouldn’t leave in the meantime.

_Maybe._ What if it wasn’t true, though? What if Barriss did need her to be someone different? What if the mess she currently was couldn’t be resolved? Opening herself so completely to someone elicited both terror and bliss—especially when she wasn’t even sure who was inside anymore. Once Barriss saw the disaster beneath, what then?

_‘Can you let yourself need me?’_ Ahsoka closed her eyes and allowed her heart to supply the answer. _She won't let me fall._

_______

“How about we get our report to the Council out of the way first? Then, we can unpack and have dinner.”

“Sure,” Ahsoka replied absently. “Out of the way. Definitely. It’s better to just get things over with, right?” The knot in the pit of her stomach threatened to consume her spine. _Yes, over with. Tell her now. _Ahsoka’s mouth remained shut.

Glancing at her, Barriss dropped her satchel at the door leading into the ship’s common area. “Ok then. Report it is.” She moved to the holotable in the center of the space to program an encoded transmission.

Taking up position beside the woman, she chewed on her fingernails. Realizing what she was doing, Ahsoka crushed clammy palms against her thighs. She rubbed them incessantly over the shiny leather, which left her skin feeling more gummy than dry.

After punching the transmit button, Barriss massaged her temples. “Hopefully, this doesn’t take long. I’m ready to relax without a crime boss over my shoulder. Playing a criminal is amazingly trying work. It would be nice if they just said good job, we’ll follow your recommendations, and bye. I’m not sure I can handle more today. My brain feels like its been punted around in a warped game of Wookiee dodgeball.”

Something that was meant to be a laugh contorted from her suffocating chest, and Ahsoka cringed. A mechanical, rasping one sounded in her mind as an imaginary Grievous mocked her. _‘Who’s the coward now, Jedi child?’_

“Are you alright?” Barriss asked in concern.

Slowly facing the woman, she vacuumed rapid breaths through her nose. Her insides felt trapped in a meat grinder. _Say it! _Gurgling noises emitted from her still closed mouth.

Fingers wrapped around her arm. “Ahsoka, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Her body began shaking as sweat poured off her skin._ Enough! I don’t give a damn about your issues, soldier. You get in the fight. NOW._ Slapping hands to her face, Ahsoka physically pried her lips open. Forcing words through clogged windpipes, she declared—ok, maybe more strangle shouted, “I love you!”

Stumbling back a half step, Barriss’ eyes popped so wide streaking blood vessels and glossy white washed out the color. A palm flew up to cover her mouth. There may have been an accompanying squeak. It was hard to hear anything over the thundering air in her montrals.

The Mirialan remained frozen in that position. One, two, three seconds ticked by. Only the barest swaying of her body indicated she could still move.

A shrill chirp pierced the silent roar. “Finally.” Mace Windu’s steely voice sounded before the man had even completely materialized. “What have you to report?”

Barriss continued gawking at Ahsoka without responding.

_First-class timing and delivery, Tano. Bang up job._ Nudging the woman with her foot had no effect other than the hand floating down from her mouth. Ahsoka grimaced. _Hopefully, they’re as oblivious as usual today._

Forcing her attention to the Council, she started. A sour-faced, messy-haired Anakin had appeared alongside a heavily rumpled Obi-Wan. They were obviously being piped in from another location and had just as obviously been in the middle of… something?

Her master brightened upon spotting her and then whistled appreciatively. “Hey, lookin’ good, Snips.”

Obi-Wan jammed a hard elbow into his ribs, and Anakin yelped. Rubbing his side, he huffed, “Come on! Don’t pretend like you didn’t notice that slinky—oof!” Another elbow cut him off.

Ahsoka glanced down at herself. _Blast._ Courtesy of her emotional death spiral, she’d forgotten to throw her poncho over the seductive outfit. “Oh, yeah,” she mumbled. “It was part of our cover.” Her gaze darted to the now seriously irked-looking Windu. “We successfully infiltrated and established a relationship with the target. Zeta is set to take custody of a sizeable weapons shipment next week.”

Shaak Ti’s melodic tones rang out from two chairs over. “Were you able to ascertain whether he is the source or a middleman?”

“The former, we believe. Vizago intimated he had possession of a large cache of abandoned Separatist weaponry.”

Ki-Adi-Mundi waved a dismissive hand. “That means nothing. He is a criminal, prone to exaggeration and deceit, especially when wanting to impress other criminals.”

Ahsoka gritted teeth. _As if Barriss can’t tell the difference between bluster and truth._ “That may be the case for some, Master. However, Vizago is careful and prefers to keep his secrets close to the vest. Knight Offee spent two days evaluating him and earning trust. It took alot of work for her to get even veiled references to his point of supply. Also, the lack of delay or higher-level approval for such a large consignment implies ownership over the enterprise. She strongly believes he is the source.”

Yoda addressed Barriss, who at least was no longer actively gaping. “True this is, Knight Offee?”

Finally turning toward the holocall, Barriss nodded vacantly.

Ahsoka mentally groaned. _Come on, Offee. You can fool a crime boss for days but can’t manage a basic semblance of being in your right mind for the Council?_ The thought had the unexpected effect of morphing her anxious gaze into a stupid grin. _Because of me._

Anakin eyed both of them and then jumped in, “Obi-Wan and I have been assigned to handle point on the takedown operation. Do you believe it is time to do so?”

_Ah. That’s why he’s here. I’m glad they’re giving him something active to do for a change._ “Yes and no, Master. Putting Vizago out of commission will stop the immediate flow. However, it won't provide us with the cache location. We installed a trace on his communication lines and a tracking device on his protocol droid. We recommend continuing our operation, until ascertaining the whereabouts of the remaining contraband.”

“Hmm,” Windu mused, “it is dangerous to let him continue to put weapons in the hands of criminals. And there is no guarantee of success.” He looked at Barriss. “Do you concur with this assessment, Knight Offee?”

Barriss flinched at her name. Her face slowly focused into an arch expression. “Is there a reason you need me to confirm what Knight Tano just told you?”

The man lifted eyebrows. “Is that indeed a confirmation?”

Her fingers curled into fists. “Are you telling me you don’t trust Ahsoka to give you a simple report on our recommendations? What other reason could you have to ask my opinion?”

Anakin smirked. “Yes, what _are_ you suggesting, Master Windu?” Obi-Wan jabbed him once more, but he kept going, “Please, do provide us an explanation.”

He scowled. “This is not the time for your antics, Skywalker.” Windu frowned at Barriss. “And certainly irrelevant to our current discussion.”

Warmth flooded Ahsoka’s heart at the two people she loved most defending a perceived slight. Still, they shouldn’t risk the wrath of the Council for her. Lifting hands, she said, “It’s fine. If you’d like Barriss to officially support our recommendation, I have no objection.” Ahsoka turned an expectant gaze on the woman.

“Of course, I do,” Barriss ground out. “She wouldn’t have proposed it, if we hadn’t already jointly agreed upon the strategy.” Her lip curled. “Ridiculous.”

Luminara shifted forward in her chair and cut off whatever censure Windu was about to deliver. “I can see you are exhausted, Barriss. Unsurprising, given the level of mental exertion needed for this mission.” She switched attention to the other Masters. “A difficult and taxing assignment for any Jedi, but especially for two young knights to successfully achieve.” The edges of her mouth twitched. “Fortunately, we chose wisely.” Adding a nod to Ahsoka, she stated, “You have both done exceedingly well.”

“Yes, little ‘Soka,” Plo rumbled. “And Knight Offee. Most impressive.”

Barely restraining a happy grin at the praise, Ahsoka bowed. “Thank you, Masters. However, all I did was provide support. Barriss is the one that had to gain the trust of criminals by playing one herself in an extended, precarious, and highly charged situation. Not to mention, she performed all of the negotiations on her own.”

Luminara smiled. “Indeed.” Her eyes skimmed across the Council members with a subtle touch of defiance. “It is a feat very few Jedi have the skill, adaptability, or discipline to accomplish.”

Ahsoka couldn’t stop her grin this time. Luminara’s message to back off was crystal clear. It obviously was to Windu as well, who shot an annoyed look at the woman.

Barriss’ fists loosened, but she didn’t appear particularly mollified. She crossed her arms and stared down the Council. “Are there any other facts you wish to verify, Masters?”

Yoda lifted a claw and rotated a stern gaze around the group. “Noted, everyone’s opinion is. Well, the knights have done. To this recommendation, we must turn.”

Anakin opened his mouth but, likely afraid of what would come out of it, Obi-Wan preempted him. “I agree with our ambitious young Jedi. A few more days of patience may mean never having to repeat this mission in the future.”

There were other comments from both sides of the question. However, Ahsoka didn’t hear them. Her gaze wandered over to Barriss and stayed there. The hysterical admission from five minutes ago had settled into her heart. All she wanted now was to hold the woman she loved and say it fifty more times, preferably while kissing her unrelentingly. _Hurry up and decide, people!_

Barriss fidgeted, fingers stroking her own throat, foot tapping erratically.

Anakin leaned near Ahsoka's head and hissed, “Snips! Focus.”

Jerking back to the call, Ahsoka realized the discussion had ended and Windu was mid-sentence, “... at that point, we will move either way. Offee and Tano will gather the final intel and capture Vizago. Kenobi and Skywalker will handle the takedown of his operations center and, if discovered, recover the weapons cache. Understood?”

Barriss answered curtly, “Understood, Master.”

Ahsoka agreed, despite not understanding at all. Though, it sounded like their mission was coming to an end soon, which made her elation briefly dim. _Doesn’t matter. You’ve still got time, and you’re not wasting it._ The thought kick-started her heart into rapid stutters.

With a final look of disapprobation, Windu concluded, “Keep us apprised of developments.” Then, the Council faded out. Anakin gave her a sly wink as he and Obi-Wan vanished.

Ahsoka clumsily slapped the power button on the holotable. She spun around to Barriss, muscles tensing.

Both women stared at each other for a heartbeat. Then, they lunged into each other’s arms.

Barriss smashed lips into hers, running frantic hands over her face and neck. Ahsoka locked an arm around her and dug into the kiss. She scratched nails across Barriss’ scalp as shivers cycled through her skin.

It took five more seconds for their tongues to come together in sloppy caresses. Barriss’ agitated movements finally came to a halt, fingers burrowing into her cheeks. Her tongue drove frenzied thrusts into Ahsoka’s mouth as if unable to quench its ravenous thirst.

She crushed the woman’s body against hers, but it wasn't good enough. Everything ached. _Please. Closer. Need you._

Barriss began sucking on her jaw, neck, any skin her mouth came upon. She pressed tiny kisses into the small of Ahsoka’s throat. A mumbled word came out between each pop of her lips, “Love… you… too.”

Heart slamming against her ribs, Ahsoka rasped, “And I love, so love, more than love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before. But I do. I’ll say it as much as you want. Force, I love you.”

Teeth scraped along one of her lekku, and Ahsoka moaned. Everything inside of her felt desperate. “P-please, Barriss. I want you to touch me everywhere. Show me how to touch you. _Please._”

The woman broke off and swirling blue eyes searched hers. Running the back of her hand down Ahsoka’s cheek, she whispered, “Are you sure?”

Her body trembled. “You’re the only thing I’m sure of these days. I…” She cleared her throat, straining her overtaxed emotions to take the final step. “I n-need you.”

A smile so radiant it made the entire galaxy a mere shadow blazed into existence. Running gentle fingers across Ahsoka’s face, Barriss wiped away tears Ahsoka hadn’t realized were there. “Don’t be scared. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure our lives out together. You don’t have to be anything other than exactly who you are. That’s the person I need, no matter what form she takes.”

The oppressive wall of fear cracked and shafts of light punctured the darkness. Her heart floated through the breach and basked in the sun once more.

A corner of Barriss’ mouth curved up as she added, “Sad, excited, scared, or shimmying down a bed post on spice, you’re still Ahsoka Tano.”

She blinked a few times and then groaned. “Really? I thought we were having a moment here. Of all the versions of me to choose from, you pick the low hanging fruit?”

Barriss sniffed. “Only yourself to blame.” Brushing a thumb across Ahsoka’s chin, she smiled softly. “My point is none of that matters. I just want _you_.”

Ahsoka gazed at her in mute happiness, confidence rising behind it. Pulling the woman close, she pressed tender lips to hers and reveled in the sublime feeling.

When the kiss ended, Barriss flashed a saucy grin and grabbed her hand. “I think it’s time for bed, angel. We’ve had a long week.” Then, she dragged Ahsoka to her quarters.

_______

Stroking the montrals of the sleeping woman lying on her chest, Barriss closed happy eyes and enjoyed the perfect moment she would finally get to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm struggling to think of a snarky end note to go with this chapter. It's just too chocked full of beautiful meta-crisis, melodrama, and mushy delight for Gabby cynicism. Turn off your left-brain and we'll embrace the gooey goodness together. I want to /feel/ the gushing from your keyboard, peeps. <3


	6. Sex, Lies, and Holorecordings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this chapter as steamy as the title makes it sound? Absolutely not. But neither is the movie it was stolen from, so I feel justified.

“You’re late.” Barriss tapped fingers against her leg holster as Vizago ambled down his ship’s loading ramp.

“Eh. A critical business matter required my personal attention.” He propped a shoulder against one of the ramp’s hydraulic lifts, twirling a blaster in apparent nonchalance. “Life in our world doesn’t always keep a timetable.”

_He knows. _How much he knew was less certain. “True.” Casually scanning, she spotted glints of metal in the trees surrounding them. _Enough to deploy snipers._ “Let me retrieve your payment from my ship, before we make the exchange.” Starting across the clearing at a quick stroll, Barriss’ hand floated to her hidden lightsaber.

A scoped rifle emerged from the cockpit window of Vizago’s freighter. At the same moment, a Kyuzo slinked around a landing strut and trained a bowcaster on her. Then, two IG-RM enforcer droids armed with heavy laser rifles marched out of the loading bay and took up position beside the crime boss, who commented, “Oh, that won’t be necessary.”

Halting, she focused her mind on the comlink tucked in her boot. Barriss activated it, before turning a cold stare on him. “What’s the meaning of this, Vizago? I thought we had an arrangement.”

His expression flattened. “As did I, _Zeta._ Installing a trace and attempting to penetrate my security was expected. The scanner-resistant tracker on C7 was pure genius, though. I didn’t discover it until this morning.”

Barriss cocked her head. “You’re upset because I wanted to keep an eye on my vested interests?”

“Not at all. Any associate worth my time would have tried. Of course, very few have been able to pull it off. And none have succeeded with such finesse. The drama played out with your erstwhile companion was likewise effective. I was convinced. Until, a Republic raiding team hit my storehouse an hour ago. Not long after my stop there _with C7_ to load your consignment. Interesting timing, yes?”

_Seriously?! They were supposed to wait for our all clear. _Though, she would’ve made the same choice, communications blackout or not. When the tracking signal died, the risk of the crime boss relocating his weapons cache called for immediate action. They likely hoped word wouldn’t reach him prior to this rendezvous. _I could have told them that was never going to happen._ Vizago was too paranoid. He would investigate every potential breach after finding the tracker. “Unfortunate coincidence, nothing more.”

“Possible,” he replied with a deceptive lightness. “Since I'm a fair man, I decided to personally review the footage from your visit prior to pronouncing judgement. It was illuminating. Apparently, my people focused their attention on you and not your little doll.” Vizago scowled. “An unacceptable oversight on their part. Her bubbleheaded act led them to discount her as a legitimate threat and ignore clues to the contrary.”

Barriss fixed an aloof gaze. “I’ve still heard nothing to justify you breaking our deal.”

His relaxed posture evaporated. “Well, let me enlighten you.” Striding forward, bodyguard droids stomping closely behind, Vizago planted himself in front of her. Though, his confidence evidently only extended so far as he stayed just beyond the range of an easy saber strike. Resting a holodisc on the tips of his fingers, he activated it.

_A holographic Ahsoka bounded down a corridor with wild glee. Two of Vizago’s men attempted a running tackle. She spun to the side and ran up a wall to land behind them. The woman flung a hand at their backs, sending the guards sprawling to the ground. Continuing her spice-fueled escapade, she crowed, “That’s what you get, boyos!” _

_Shaking a dazed head, one of the men spat, “You clumsy idiot! Can’t you control those stumpy arms of yours?” _

_The other rolled to his feet and snarled, “You’re the one that ran into me, sleemo!”_

Barriss crushed palms into her thighs. _Dammit, Tano._

Thumbing the recording off, he sneered, “Jedi.” Sliding the disc into his pocket, Vizago raised his blaster. “I must say you both had me fooled.” He clucked his tongue. “Such scandalous behavior, I almost didn’t believe my own eyes. How far the self-appointed arbiters of righteousness have fallen.”

She considered whether feigning ignorance of Ahsoka’s true nature would work. _Not likely._ Calling her saber to her hands, Barriss ignited it and crouched in a defensive stance. “What do you want, Vizago? If you knew the truth, coming to this meeting was foolish. Challenging a Jedi isn’t the smart play.”

He laughed heartily. “Magnificent. I have you dead to rights. Yet, you continue on as if the advantage is all yours. Never let them see you sweat. Force a concession. Your talents are wasted as a Jedi. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to change professions? I could make it worth your while.”

Barriss snorted. “No, thanks.”

Vizago shrugged. “Your loss, Jedi. At least in my world, you get to forge your own destiny.”

The sentiment caused a surprising flinch in her heart.

It must have been reflected on her face, because he smirked. “Yes, you enjoyed being off your leash, didn’t you? Your partner in crime enjoyed it a bit too much and blew your cover. It only confirms what I’ve always suspected. Strip away a Jedi’s programmed sanctimoniousness and what’s left? People who crave freedom, pleasure, and power. Just like the rest of us.”

“What you call programming, I call decency, compassion, and justice,” she bit back. “Without it, we are no better than animals, killing each other for scraps. Jedi don’t hurt others for their own profit.”

The vestigial bumps on his forehead lifted toward his horns. “Don't they? I know some decimated Separatist worlds that disagree. Even Republic citizens, who endured your proxy war against whatever Palpatine was. Your Order allowed people like me to flourish at the expense of the innocents you claim to protect. The rest of the galaxy became collateral damage as two god-like entities fought their own personal vendetta.”

Barriss blanched at the kernel of truth in the assessment.

He waved a dismissive hand. “Lie to yourselves all you want. The rest of us see what is. Having mystical powers and cloaking your actions in pretty words doesn’t make you morally superior. On the grand scale of the galaxy, the Jedi have caused more destruction than the rest of us could begin to accomplish. You are a greater scourge than I will ever be.”

Exhaling a cleansing breath, Barriss let an answer flow from somewhere deep inside. “You may be right on some level, Vizago. However, none of that excuses your own actions. We all choose who we will be. And I can only tell you who this Jedi is.” She straightened and pointed her saber at his chest. “I am Barriss Offee. And she could never live a purposeless life for her own gratification. Her very essence demands she help and not harm. She would sacrifice everything for her principles, if necessary. Can you say the same for yours?”

Tilting his head, he gazed at her for several moments. “I almost believe that speech, Barriss Offee, Jedi of Principle." The man stroked his chin. "Fascinating. You have gathered extensive knowledge of my organization, posing a legitimate threat to continued operations. You’ve deprived me of a valuable asset and would love to take my very livelihood. You’d arrest, even kill me if needed, without a second thought. Yet, I’m still tempted to let you live. Strange, yes?”

“Not really,” a wry voice sounded from her right. Ahsoka sauntered out of the treeline, lightsabers gripped in both hands. “I think you’ll find that inexplicable feeling is called a conscience.”

Multiple blaster shots went off, and a lackadaisical Ahsoka sent them ricocheting into the hull of Vizago’s ship.

“Stop, you idiots!” The Devaronian slapped his belt comm. Ten more henchmen flew out of the ship’s hatch, blasters at the ready.

Taking up position beside Barriss, the Togruta grinned. “Now, that’s more like it. Your badly hidden sniper teams were much too easy. I was becoming bored.”

Vizago surveyed the surrounding woods and then hissed. “Fine, Jedi. Stalemate.” Backing toward the landing bay ramp, he made a mocking bow. “I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow at Ahsoka. “He’s under the impression we’re letting him leave.”

She grunted. “Criminals.” Calling to the man, Ahsoka wagged a saber. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go in that way, if I were you. A bit close to the engines.”

He froze. “You didn’t.” Vizago spun around just as a rattling explosion and screeching metal punctuated the air. The ship teetered and toppled sideways, billowing smoke rising from the engine compartment. His people scattered, making a mad scramble for the trees.

Letting the small fry go, both women ran into the foggy aftermath and found a coughing Vizago struggling to rise from the ground. Slapping binders on his wrists, Barriss grinned. “Time to face the consequences of your choices.”

The man glowered up at them and muttered, “Jedi.”

“Yep.” Ahsoka rolled him onto his stomach to search for additional weapons. “Guess we are.”

Heart flushing in the triumphant moment, Barriss grabbed the front of Ahsoka’s shirt and pulled her in for a quick but passionate kiss. Her mouth released the other woman’s with a murmured, “The kind of Jedi we want to be.”

Ahsoka gave her lekku a small shake and then a dopey grin appeared. She hauled Vizago to his feet. “Damn right, hot stuff.”

_______

“Yes, despite the unfortunate timing of the other operation,” Ahsoka shot a sideways glare at Anakin, “we were able to capture the target.”

He grinned. “Knew you could handle it, Snips.”

Obi-Wan grunted. “That’s not what you said when directing choice words my way at the decision to move early.”

Anakin flipped an airy hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Master. I never doubted they’d come through alright.”

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan responded with matching snorts.

Yoda and Windu exchanged what looked suspiciously like an exasperated eye roll, before the latter said, “If you three are finished, perhaps someone can tell us whether you transferred Vizago into the custody of the Republic support team?”

Barriss nodded. “There were proper holding cells on their ship, so it seemed wiser. They are scouring the moon for a few of his people that escaped in the fray, before heading back to Coruscant.”

“Very well,” Windu stated. “This operation is at an end. Both teams are to report back for full debriefing.”

As everyone vanished, Ahsoka stared at the blank holotable. “Guess our time is up, huh?”

Tugging her around, Barriss replied, “Of course not. We’ve got the rest of our lives.”

“Yeah, but it’s not quite…” She twisted her fingers together. “I mean we’ll rarely be assigned missions together.” Her stomach began to churn like an out of control mixer as words continued to tumble, “And, when we are both at the Temple, we have to pretend things aren’t how they are. It’s not like we can just be together anytime we want and—”

The woman put a hand over her mouth. “Hey, it’s ok. Don’t get upset. Have things really changed that much? Even when we were apart over the last year, we weren’t. If you think about it, we chose our path together well before this mission.”

_Huh._ Her jerky nerves rolled into a steadier rhythm. “Suppose that’s true. Still, what about, you know, the physical stuff? We didn’t have that to manage before.”

Barriss cupped Ahsoka’s cheeks and brushed lips across hers. “We’ll figure it out. It might mean taking some risks and breaking a few rules is all. Or, more than a few.” The electric blue glittered. “Speaking of, I wouldn’t object to a little engine trouble on our way back.”

Barely suppressing an excited grin, she mused, “This clanker _is_ prone to overheating.”

The woman slid fingers down Ahsoka’s arms and over her hips with a soft hum. “I can relate.”

Ahsoka grabbed the fluttering hands and held them mid-air. “Is that right?” she asked innocently. “I hear proper maintenance can prevent that kind of thing.”

Leaning her head in, Barriss traced Ahsoka’s lips with her tongue. “Mmm, I agree. We should definitely give that strategy a try.”

Pulling her mouth out of range, she puckered it in mock thoughtfulness. “Of course, might just need to be primed.”

The woman groaned. “I warn you, Tano. You’re dangerously close to causing a meltdown.”

“Well, you did say you wanted engine trouble.”

There was a small growl as a leg swept between hers and knocked Ahsoka to the ground. Before there was a chance to even yelp in surprise, Barriss was on top of her. The woman pinned Ahsoka’s wrists above her head and began sucking on a lek.

The desire she’d been struggling to control exploded. Ahsoka gave up any pretense of playacting as her muscles melted into putty. “Barriss… touch me. _Please._”

There was a throaty chuckle. “Someone’s changed their tune.” She sat up and straddled Ahsoka’s stomach. Her thighs squeezed already constricting ribs. “I don’t know, angel.” Teasing fingers slipped under Ahsoka’s top and circled her breasts. “I’m not sure if you can handle full power.”

Her limp body shuddered against the cold metal flooring. Nails scraped a nipple, and a choked moan rose from her chest. “P-please. Need you.”

Smirking, Barriss removed her hands. “Uh huh. I see how it is. You’re perfectly fine with me taking care of you, when you want something.”

Ahsoka flinched and visceral words spewed out, “That’s not true! I want you to no matter what we’re—” She choked off as heat burned her cheeks. “Er, yeah. I mean…” Unable to come up with an idea to backpedal the impulsive confession, she cringed and looked away. Her chest contorted into painful knots. _ So weak. Now, she knows the truth. Ahsoka Tano is nothing more than a needy child. _

She turned Ahsoka's face back and gazed down at her, playful eyes softening. Dipping her head, she murmured, “Don’t worry. You can keep pretending. I always will.” Barriss’ mouth melded into hers, caressing it with a gentleness that made her heart cry out for it to never stop.

Drinking in the beautiful feeling, Ahsoka let Barriss take care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret to inform you there is one more chapter to go in this story. A bit of a coda, so to speak. The real question is... are you sad because there is _only_ one more chapter or because there is _still_ one more chapter?


	7. It's My Life (aka Last Hurrah!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it really yours, though?  
*Barrissoka screeching* YES. It totally is.  
_Otherwise known as Ahsoka & Barriss drop the mic to see what happens._

“Well?”

Flashing a strained smile, Ahsoka handed the pad back to her. “The edits are great. You’ve managed to incorporate everyone’s feedback and still hit all of our agreed upon points. It’s extremely well-written.”

Barriss laid a hand on her face. “Have you changed your mind? We don’t have to do this.”

_Be brave like every clone you lost. They didn’t die for nothing. Make it count. _Letting out a long exhale, she shook her head. “We’re going to take control of our own lives, even if it means changing them forever. Besides, it’s the right thing to do. We have to try.”

Her fingers trembled and then pressed into Ahsoka’s cheek. “I’m not feeling spectacularly courageous at the moment, either. Still, I’d rather be scared about starting a new life than to live a lie, knowing we might have made a difference.”

“Me too. We’ll build a better future together whatever happens, yeah?”

“That’s non-negotiable,” Barriss murmured.

Taking her hand, she kissed the knuckles. “Then, I’m good to go.”

Her smile gained confidence. “Alright, time to make a dramatic exit, before I lose my nerve.”

Ahsoka tapped a fist against her thigh and then blurted, “Are you absolutely sure you want to go alone?”

She sent her eyes skyward. “We’ve discussed this a million times, Tano. This is the most effective strategy to ensure our voice is not dismissed.”

Scowling at the floor, Ahsoka muttered, “Because if we go together, they’ll think I’ve corrupted you or something.”

“It is what it is,” Barriss replied gently. “That’s one of the problems, right?”

She groaned. “I hate when you’re logical.”

The woman laughed and flitted lips across hers. “No, you don’t, angel.”

Unable to help a grin, Ahsoka pulled her in for another kiss. “Shut up, hot stuff.”

_______

Barriss handed the pad to Master Yoda and planted herself in the center of the chamber. “I have also taken the liberty of sending a copy to every Council member for review.”

Windu frowned over his steepled fingers. “You asked for an audience to inform us you transmitted a document?”

A shrilly chirped, “I did,” came out in response.

Several eyebrows raised.

Ordering her rebellious vocal cords into submission, Barriss fixed on the hazy Coruscant skyline behind Yoda’s chair. “You see this treatise analyzes the current state of the Jedi Order as well as this Council’s actions over the last several years, both of which were found wanting. A significant portion is devoted to your lack of support for both Jedi and decommissioned clones, who were forced to fight a war not of their choosing. I used my own story, those we have already lost, as well as other unnamed Jedi that shared their experiences with me as an illustration.”

Pausing to take a breath, her words gained confidence and intensity as she continued, “On a larger scale, the treatise points out glaring signs, ranging back to Master Dooku’s departure up to the discovery of Palpatine’s identity, that in totality _should_ have prompted a reassessment of approach and mindset. It concludes with a discussion of existing as well as potential future consequences due to our lack of vision, innovation, or advancement. Essentially, this document details the utter failure of the Jedi Order as presided over by this Council.”

She finally dragged her gaze back to the assembled faces. _Huh._ Barriss never thought to see a day where a room full of Jedi Masters would stare in blank shock.

_______

Ahsoka paced around Anakin’s quarters. “What do you think they’ll say?”

The man shrugged. “Who cares.”

She hissed through her teeth. “I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Downplay my anxiety and act like things don’t matter. It does to me, ok?”

Anakin grimaced. “Sorry, Snips. I didn’t mean it like that. I know being a Jedi is important to you.”

“It is to you too, Master. Otherwise, you would have left the Order long ago. Why lie about it?”

His expression fluctuated and then he flopped onto his bed. “I don’t know, Ahsoka. It’s hard to care too much without going crazy sometimes.”

Rubbing hands over her face, she sat beside him. “Yeah, guess so.” Ahsoka chewed the inside of her cheek. “Have you, uh, thought anymore about talking to Master Obi-Wan about things?”

The man stiffened and replied flatly, “No.”

She winced. “Ok. It’s only… well, telling you stuff helped me. I mean I was a nervous wreck, so I get it. Still, talking turned out to be good for both of us, right?”

His eyes flicked to hers. “I’m glad you did. I hope you always will. It’s different for Obi-Wan and me, though. He’s not—it’s just different.”

“How do you know until you try? I didn’t think you’d have some of the same problems as me. Maybe he’s like us too. Or, gone through similar issues when he was younger and could help? Either way, I’m sure he’d understand.”

Anakin massaged his temples. “Don’t worry, Ahsoka, I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, that’s what we all _say,_ Master. I actually want it to be true.”

He stared and then his mouth crept into a grin. “Noted, my bossy apprentice. I shall take your concerns under advisement.”

Ahsoka brightened. “Hey, that’s progress.”

Anakin snorted. “I swear, once you get a goal in your head, the Force itself couldn’t make you let it go.”

She nudged him. “Learned from the best.”

That got a smile and they lapsed into reflective silence. Until, Ahsoka murmured, “Do you think they’ll actually listen?”

He blew out a long breath. “Do you want an honest answer?”

The woman grunted. “Yeah, nevermind.”

Anakin flashed an endearing grin. “Good. I didn’t want to be lectured about my bad attitude.”

Throwing a glare, she punched his leg. “You’re a catastrophe of a master.”

“Yep. And you adore me.” He waved dramatic arms in the air. “Really, Snips! Why lie about it?”

Ahsoka couldn’t keep herself from laughing. “Oh, shut up.” Hopping to her feet, she jerked him off the bed. “Come on, master grumpy pants. Let’s go mope with everyone else.”

_______

Obi-Wan was the first to speak. “Your manner suggests you see this as a courtesy call, not a justification of your arguments.”

Barriss folded hands in front of her waist. “That is correct, Master Kenobi. I plan to disseminate my treatise to the Order at large tomorrow morning. I thought it only right to give the Council an advance copy for review, in case you would like to prepare a rebuttal or official response.”

Windu scowled. “What do you hope to accomplish?”

She met his gaze. “Nothing more than to highlight the most critical failures of the Order, as well as—if you will pardon the directness—this Council’s hypocrisy. My hope is you will assess the problems, correct them if needed, and guide us into a better future. The Jedi can serve as symbols of peace, light, and justice once more, but not if they continue in darkness and ignorance. The Order in its current form is on the road to destruction. It is only a matter of time.”

Master Kolar bristled. “Arrogance. Who are you to pronounce judgement on us, Knight Offee?”

Barriss shrugged. “A member of your Order. Are you suggesting your beliefs are too weak to survive examination by a mere _knight_?” Her voice hardened. “If a Sith Lord operating under your nose for years and then manipulating the Order into a war where it nearly destroyed itself didn’t make you reevaluate your actions and beliefs, I’m not sure what will. However, my conscience demanded I make an effort to stem the tide.”

Obi-Wan stroked his beard. “And the distribution of this treatise is your approach to doing so?”

“Indeed. It is meant to invoke discourse and reflection. My conclusions are based on my opinion and analysis of events in conjunction with other’s input. I went to great lengths to adjudicate fairly, especially in terms of Palpatine’s culpability versus the Council’s breaking of its own values. However, there may be areas where a lack of classified knowledge makes my judgement too harsh.”

Oppo Rancisis flicked his tail. “If this be true, why not bring your concerns to us privately for explanation?”

She nodded. “I did consider it. However, I felt a wider audience would better serve the goal and ensure the message is not dismissed out of hand. It is possible the rest of the Order will not agree with my view of matters. If so, you have some foundation for your position. If any do concur with my conclusions, then perhaps you will consider their concerns and make changes.”

Master Allie’s stern voice rang out, “Our principles are not decided by popular vote, Knight Offee.”

“Perhaps, they should be,” Barriss replied. “Or, maybe, they shouldn’t. That is my point. No one has examined the question in centuries. Further, my treatise includes several cases of this Council not following those same principles. The biggest of which is leading a war in the first place. Do you even believe in them, anymore? Have you ever stopped to think about it? A structure that cannot weather honest and measured scrutiny should not stand.”

“An interesting supposition,” Shaak Ti mused. “Though, such a discourse would require us to justify our decisions, perhaps the code itself.”

“Why shouldn’t we?” Heads flipped to Luminara, who looked up from her console. “I have been reviewing the document in question. So, I’m unsure if you have reached a discussion of ramifications, but they are significant. I have only made it through the first six pages, but I can say it is impressively argued and quite persuasive.”

Barriss flushed. “Thank you, Master. It took several weeks to construct.” She paused, before adding quietly, “You taught me to follow my conscience, and I believe that is what I’m doing. It is not a personal critique, but of a system that is inherently flawed. And that system is governed by this Council. I'm certain everyone did what they thought was right. We all must recognize our mistakes and correct them, however. I had to face this truth myself.”

Sorrowful eyes gazed back at her. “Based on what I’ve read thus far, I fear I have many to remedy.”

The unexpected pain radiating from her master made Barriss flinch. Her difficult decision not to risk telling Luminara before this moment now felt like a heartwrenching mistake. Swallowing hard, she tried to explain, “I wasn’t—it took me a long time to understand my feelings were normal, not a shameful secret. I wish I’d been strong enough to share my journey with you sooner. I’m… sorry.”

Windu interjected, “This personal conversation is irrelevant to the immediate issue. What makes you think we will allow you to distribute an inflammatory document that may destabilize the Order?”

Before she could respond, Obi-Wan shot up in his chair. “You aren’t suggesting we suppress free speech because we’re afraid of an examination of our actions? That will only confirm Barriss’ supposition as well as others that share her views.”

“You would bow to blackmail?” Ki-Adi-Mundi snapped. “I’m sure the knight would conveniently make this document vanish, if we agreed to whatever demands it contains.”

Barriss stiffened. “I most certainly will not. I do not assert my personal judgement above a council of masters, who are wise in the Force, _when_ they choose to consult it. You should not wholesale accept my conclusions. I simply want you to open your minds and listen.”

Undeterred, the Cerean waved a dismissive hand. “Your motives are irrelevant. If Master Unduli is accurate in her assessment of its persuasiveness, this may splinter the Order. Such a thing has not happened in a thousand years. It could be as great a threat as Palpatine.”

Plo Koon rumbled disapproval. “Perhaps, Knight Offee is not far off in her accusations, if this Council would contemplate operating as the Sith do.”

“Indeed,” Obi-Wan agreed tartly. “If the questions raised by a lone document can fracture the Order, there is something terribly wrong.”

Other mouths flew open and arguments rebounded across the chamber in rapidity. Meanwhile, Master Yoda simply gazed at Barriss, apparently oblivious to the increasingly heated discourse around him. Finally, he raised a claw, and the room fell silent. Piercing amber eyes fixed on her. “More to say, you have.”

Barriss sighed. “If you care to hear it. I feared your reaction would be to silence dissent. It is a common practice for this Council in recent years. Former Master Koth is a blatant example. Any Jedi who finds issue with the status quo is expected to quietly leave the Order. Have you even counted the number you have lost over the last several years? Did it occur to you this is a pattern that suggests a fundamental problem?”

A few of them shifted uncomfortably.

Throwing her shoulders back, she smiled grimly. “You may lock me in the Temple prison, cut off my communications access, or whatever you like. If the Council believes my views do not befit a Jedi, I am also willing to leave the Order. However, the message will be heard. I have made arrangements for this treatise to be transmitted as scheduled, whether I do it personally or not. I respectfully submit your time is better spent digesting the information and meditating on a response, rather than arguing about things you cannot change.”

There were several sounds of exasperation.

“Much conviction, young Offee has in these opinions.” Yoda glanced at an unreadable Mace Windu. “Give them a hearing, we will.” Inclining his head toward her, he continued, “Return to your duties, you may.”

Barriss bowed. “Thank you, Master. I hope you will take this action in the spirit it was intended—as a starting point for change. I shall await your response both as regards my future and that of the Order.” With a final regretful look at Luminara, she exited the chamber.

_______

Barriss pressed a hand to her stomach and slumped against the wall. “Ok, Offee. It’s done. No going back now.” Bringing the exhausted nerves under control, she headed for the others.

Reaching the meditation room they used as their meeting place, she took a deep breath and palmed the door control.

Anxious faces twisted around in unison. Ahsoka bounded over and led her to the group gathered on the floor. “How did it go?”

Barriss dropped onto her mat in the circle. “Hard to say. They agreed to review our treatise. However, they weren’t happy about it.”

“Shocker,” O-Mer replied. “We did basically tell them off.”

“Still, they said they’d look at it and you aren’t locked up, right?” Tutso put in thoughtfully. “That’s something.”

Bultar raised eyebrows. “If a lack of imprisonment is our bar for success, we have serious issues.”

Ahsoka ventured, “Did any of them seem like they cared?”

Barriss smiled. “Yes, a few did. Masters Kenobi and Plo were especially vocal. They also vehemently objected to any suggestion of preventing distribution of the document.”

Hums of approval sounded.

Anakin leaned back on his palms. “Obi-Wan got it… Huh.” A small grin formed. “That’s _my_ master, you know.”

Bultar groaned and tossed a saber buffing cloth at him. “As if we _couldn’t_ know, Skywalker. Even if we’d been living under a rock for the entire war, you’ve mentioned him enough in your heroic battle stories. It’s like you never had missions with anyone else.”

He lobbed the cloth at her head. “Don’t be jealous, Swan.”

“Master Yoda didn’t say much,” Barriss added. “However, he did promise the Council would discuss it and decide the best course. It’s hard to tell with him, but I thought he at least seemed open to the contents."

“Well, that’s good, yeah?” Cal asked with a hopeful expression.

Jinx grunted. “Depends on whether he thinks the contents warrant a ticket out of the Order.”

Sha’un huffed. “Will you stop being so pessimistic? We've just successfully roasted a group of Jedi Masters. You’re ruining the gloriousness of the moment.”

“That wasn't exactly our goal,” Tutso commented dryly.

The young man grinned. “Was for me. Who needs emotional healing and a new Order, when I've got this?”

Anakin snorted. “Don't cancel your therapy sessions, kid.”

Ahsoka prevented whatever retort was planned with a concerned question to Barriss. “You didn’t mention—what about Luminara?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “She seemed supportive, as well. In fact, she even read part of it while we were talking and said it was persuasive. I just…”

Taking her hand, Ahsoka interlocked their fingers. “You’re afraid she’s upset you didn’t share it with her ahead of time.”

Barriss looked at the ground. “And my personal experiences. I could see it in her eyes.”

O-Mer glumly rested a chin on his hands. “Yeah. My master would probably be the same, if she found out one of the stories in there was mine.”

Jinx gazed at Barriss. “You were very brave, you know. Doing it on your own. Being the only one to put a name with your story. You’re a great Jedi, Barriss Offee.”

She blinked and then shook her head. “Thanks, but I didn’t do it alone. That’s really our main thesis. We all had each other, right?”

Smiles dotted the faces around the circle. Clearly trying to hold back his own, Anakin harrumphed. “You people are getting sappy. And you call yourselves Jedi.”

Half-hearted glares morphed into laughter that echoed through the small room. It apparently drowned out the whoosh of the door as the next thing Barriss heard sent her heart into palpitations.

“Pardon the interruption, Knights.”

Everyone spun around and gawked at Luminara Unduli. She continued quickly, “I didn’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to speak with Barriss. When the locator said she was here, I didn’t expect to find a… gathering.”

Leaping to her feet, Barriss stammered, “Of-of course, Master. Shall we, uh, go outside?”

Luminara inclined her head. “Thank you.” She surveyed the others with a slight smile. “Is this a meditative support group?”

Everyone exchanged nervous glances. Ahsoka cleared her throat and then nodded crisply. “Yes. That’s exactly what it is.”

Her face softened. “All is well, young ones.” As she walked out the door, Luminara called back, “You have nothing to fear from me.”

Slow grins formed as Barriss hurried after her master.

_______

“Barriss, I…”

She had to suppress a gape at the nervousness on her master’s face. It was an expression Barriss never imagined existing.

Luminara looked away for a moment and then dragged pained eyes back to hers. “I am sorry for everything you suffered. I should have better ensured your wellbeing.”

There was no chance of stopping her mouth from hanging open this time. Preventing the humiliating squeak that followed also proved impossible.

Her master lifted eyebrows. “I can see I wasn’t wrong in my suspicions. Your reaction suggests you didn’t expect me to… care.”

Barriss jerked out of her stupor. “No! I was—” Halting to take a calming breath, she continued, “It’s more the idea you’d feel obligated to apologize. I don’t blame you, and it is unnecessary.”

Luminara pursed her lips. “Obligated. Yes, we have a good deal to work through, don’t we?”

“Uh, we do?”

Releasing a deep sigh, her posture curled inward. “Barriss, I didn’t come through this war unscathed either. It was… difficult. War isn’t something even Jedi Masters are accustomed to handling. We were all in new territory. I tried to be strong for you. Perhaps, too strong. It’s clear you didn’t believe I would understand your pain. Our frequent separations near the end of the conflict also made supporting you more problematic, yet I did nothing about it. Because your maturity and skill were that of a much older Jedi, I suppose I forgot—no, let myself excuse the neglect.”

She began to object, but Luminara held up a hand. “I was concerned about you, but war left little time to express it. Also, I thought it would be better—” She grimaced. “I was often on the front lines. If I perished, I wanted to make you independent enough to thrive without me. However, all that did was isolate you further during a period of trauma.”

Chest tightening, Barriss shook her head. “Please, don’t take so much on yourself. It was war. You had little choice over deployments. Besides, I could have shared how I was feeling. You couldn’t fix what you didn’t know existed.”

The woman smiled wanly. “No. It is my responsibility to notice when my Padawan is in distress. I should have insisted on periodic leave for us to have time not spent on a battlefield together. I let my sense of duty override judgement in your training. If the war hadn’t ended, you might have paid a terrible price for my mistakes. I do not believe I am overestimating my culpability. Until your knighting, you were… mine.”

Looking at her feet, she said quietly, “I was proud to be. Even when my mind bent toward darkness, I never felt ashamed of being… yours.”

Gentle fingers lifted her chin. “And I was proud to have you. You never disappointed me. You still haven’t.”

Throat twisting into knots, Barriss couldn’t risk a response without either choking or crying. So, she simply gazed at her master in mute joy.

“I’m not saying these things, because I feel obligated. I’m saying them because I need you to know I always cared, even if it appeared otherwise.” Luminara hesitated, before continuing, “I also wanted to request a chance to remedy some of my errors. We could talk through the past, if you feel comfortable. I’d enjoy hearing about anything else on your mind, as well." Her eyes glinted. “Even… Ahsoka.”

Barriss started, mind spinning. “How—you _know_?”

A faint snort came from Luminara. “Rather obvious, at least to me. Your entire presence changes when she walks into a room. It’s always been that way. Though, everything pales in comparison to that infamous holocall during your joint undercover mission. I must admit to shameful levels of curiosity about what occurred before we appeared. I alternated between concern you might pass out and panic you would attempt to throttle Master Windu through the holoimager.”

Heat flushed her neck. “Oh. I guess I didn’t think you…” Wincing, Barriss trailed off at the implication.

“... would notice,” Luminara finished sadly. “I told you paying attention to what her padawan is feeling is part of a master’s work. It doesn’t stop merely because you’re on your own. I don’t have the ability to treat the girl I took care of for most of her life as any other knight. In fact, it’s not a skill I want to learn.” She laid the back of her hand on Barriss’ cheek. “If you let me in, I promise I won’t betray that trust. Perhaps, we can find a new level for our relationship. Would it—is that a path you’d be open to trying with me?”

Her heart melted, and tears were now inevitable. Reaching up, she locked trembling fingers into her master’s and whispered, “Very much.”

Luminara’s pensive expression transformed into a soft smile. “I am glad.”

_______

“Is everyone certain?” Barriss halted at the door. “It could mean the end of your life as a Jedi.”

“You’re making us nervous, Offee,” Jinx replied peevishly.

Bultar grunted. “Seriously. This is what? The tenth time you’ve asked just during the walk here?”

“Eleventh, actually,” O-Mer put in.

Tutso grinned. “Yeah, give it up.”

Sha’un threw up his hands. “Besides, you already hogged the best reaction shot moments. I need to get something out of all this trauma. Do you think we can make Master Yoda flip his ears back in dismay? Now, that would be a _triumph_.”

Ahsoka punched his arm. “We should have sent you to the Outer Rim with Anakin. You better behave or we’re flinging you into the nearest storage closet.”

He rubbed the injured spot with an exaggerated huff. “How violent, Tano. And Skywalker claims _I’m_ the one who needs therapy.”

Bultar flicked the young man’s earlobe. “Don’t worry, I’ll tackle our little troll if he so much as crosses his eyes.”

“I’m not a troll!” Sha’un thrust his chest out. “I am a rebel.”

Everyone snorted.

Barriss lifted a hand and left it hovering in front of the door control. “Last chance to back out.”

There were multiple groans. “Gah!” Jinx cried. “Get on with it already!”

Taking a deep breath, Barriss swiped her palm across the panel. “Alright, Jedi. May the Force be with us.” Then, they all marched as one into the Council Chamber, ready to chart whatever course their lives would take.

_______

Eyebrows rose on multiple faces as everyone lined up beside Barriss.

Windu remarked drolly, “I believe we ordered Knight Offee to report.”

“You did,” Ahsoka responded. “However, since we were contributing authors of the document in question, we felt it only right to attend.”

The corners of Obi-Wan’s mouth crept up. “In other words, you’ve decided to face our wrath together?”

“Something like that.” Ahsoka grinned.

Kenobi turned to the others. “I have also been discussing the issues raised by this situation with Knight Skywalker, who is currently on assignment. He participated in the document’s construction, as well, and wishes to share in whatever outcome is decided.”

Ahsoka’s heart floated in her chest. _He talked to him._ Relieved warmth spread across her entire being.

Leaning back with a heavy exhale, Windu said, “Fine. Since the publication of your treatise, we have received feedback from a great many members of the Order. Based on that and our own deliberations, this Council has agreed upon a course of action.”

The group simultaneously rooted to the floor in trembling anticipation.

Yoda lifted gnarled eye ridges. “Nervous, our young Jedi are.”

“As well they should be,” Ki-Adi-Mundi clipped out.

Luminara shot him a look of disapprobation. “And _that_ is the kind of response that only proves my point.”

Before the man could get a retort in, Windu cut them off, “This has been argued and decided. It is time to act.”

They both sighed and sat back in their chairs.

Ahsoka noticed Barriss crush shaking palms into her thighs. Edging closer to the woman, she subtly brushed fingers over her arm. Then, she coughed. “Um, not to be disrespectful or anything, Masters, but could you kinda get on with it?”

Luminara and Obi-Wan exchanged amused glances.

Yoda harrumphed. “Patience, a virtue it is, young Tano.”

Letting out a sigh, she muttered, “So, I’ve heard.”

“Listen, did you?”

Ahsoka couldn’t stop a half-smirk. “Sometimes.”

Yoda chuckled. “An honest answer that was. On with it, we will get.”

_______

Standing at the top of the Temple steps, Ahsoka watched glimmering rays of light spill over the horizon.

Lithe arms slid around her stomach. “What are you thinking?”

Smiling, she leaned back into the embrace. “How one choice can change everything. My life feels like mine again. I’m just… happy.”

Barriss swung to face her, eyes shining. “So, am I.”

“Hmm, I think we can do better than happy.” Cupping her cheeks, Ahsoka pressed tender lips to hers. “How about we go for perfect?”

The woman let out a content sigh. “Perfection it is, angel. Speaking of lofty goals, it’s time to present the advisory group’s finalized recommendations to the Council. Ready for action?”

Ahsoka grinned. “Readier than a Togruta on spice, hot stuff. Let’s get it done. We’ve got a life to live.”

Sun rising behind them, the two women walked hand in hand into the Temple to start redefining the Jedi Order. They would never let it fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you've made it to the end! You're my kinda people. 
> 
> This tale may be over, but the adventures of Ahsoka & Barriss never end. At least, they don't in Gabby's head. So, if the shakes are setting in, it's your lucky day. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. (Well, you could but just go with me here. Pretty please?) Gabby has ~800,000 words of Barrissoka goodness, from AU-universes to one-shots. She's chosen to bestow this glorious prize on... you! No hidden fees or contracts! (Heyyy... I heard that snarky thought - this is a primo honor, I'll have you know!). 
> 
> VIP all access to Gabby's full range of Barrissoka products can be found through a specially curated entrance here: [Gabby is a needy writer, who rolls more than Ahsoka on spice when people read her stuff and is not above flagrant self-promotion to achieve bedpost shimmying highs](http://bitly.com/35vpQlO)  
_You could also click my username at the top of the page, I suppose. But really what fun is that?_
> 
> See you around my galaxy! (If not, I still love you. Anyone reading something I've written really does give me unhealthy levels of life satisfaction. Thank you so, so much.)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Ahsoka's Dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376111) by [Golddude22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golddude22/pseuds/Golddude22)


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